selfhelp | [Voice/Action]

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[Okay, so. Post-draft, he's given himself a few days of seclusion and bed-rest (apparently being infected with a zombie virus is exhausting), and even Billy can freely admit to himself that he's been pretty depressed lately, a fact for which he feels no shame considering that depression was well and truly earned. One can only spend so much time fretting, moping, and dwelling on one's own misery for so long, however, and today? He's decided that enough is enough. Billy will be going out today, limping around the village and visiting the people who were on the draft whose fate he's still uncertain of. The ones he can't find or has no reason to actually visit, he'll check with a light location spell, and he'll spend a few hours at Seventh Heaven people-watching out the window while he doodles in a book that Teddy had given him containing a series of patterns (much like this) that resemble inkblogs, and bit by bit Billy's turning them into something like this instead. It's been a tiring week, though, so you could always catch him napping on the table, instead.

At some point he'll attempt to find Peter, and when both a location spell and a teleport fails, he tries to teleport to the apartment he'd been staying at instead, finding it almost completely emptied. All he manages to dig up is a small cartridge that, after a moment of scrutiny, he identifies as a web fluid cartridge. His fanboyish glee at the discovery is tempered by the fact that the empty apartment means one more piece of bad news.

After his visits and window-watching is done, he'll return home to make the announcement, along with one more message-]

Hey out there... just wanted to let his friends know that Peter Parker went home. So... sorry. Yeah.

[Locked to Loki]

...We still on for tomorrow, or do you want to take a break? Because... you know. [Draft. Awfulness all around. He wouldn't blame Loki if he wanted to take a week off.

Later on in the evening he'll be over at Ben's barbeque, if anyone wants to bother him while he's there.]

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[Griiiiiinning.]

You asked how I'd feel, and that's how I'd feel. I don't see the problem.

[Billy scowls at him for a long moment, eyes narrowed, and then something clicks, and he sits up a little, his brows lifting. He sees a chance to tease back and he is so taking it.]

What, you've never had that kind of fantasy? No secret thoughts about, you know, watching?

[Oh he sees that, Billy Kaplan, and Teddy just shrugs in response and shakes his head, arm easily winding around Billy's shoulders to support his weight.]

Not really. You moving in to kiss me? That's something I want to watch. Some other guy? Hell no.

[.....Spoilsport. 8| The wind knocked out of his sails somewhat, Billy relaxes his muscles, tilting his head back so that it bumps against the arm of the couch.]

I guess I should be saying that's good news, huh.

[That earns an eyebrow raise, though the slight quirk of his lip seems to indicate that he's not done teasing. In fact, this might have just opened the floodgates.]

What, do you want me to fantasize about Tommy sticking his tongue down your throat?

[Oh no, Altman. If he doesn't get to tease, you're not allowed either.]

Is this going to be one of those games that couples play where they dance around the kink until someone admits they like it?

We'd sure be moving on up in the world.

[After a bit of thought, Teddy gives just one little uneasy glance to the side.

If you wanted me to change into someone, I could -

Billy wouldn't. Simple as that. He'll just quickly squish that insecurity bug before it can grow to a monstrous size, seeing how he knows how fast it happens otherwise.]

But maybe you should be teaching me more about first aid, Master Kaplan.

Mm... I guess.

[Billy is quiet for a long moment at that, brows furrowed, considering Teddy's tone, and the expression he'd noticed there for a moment. Hmm... maybe he'd taken it too far? He'd assumed Teddy would know better, but maybe those insecurities aren't completely gone just yet.

Well. One way to fix that. He reaches up to grip the couch, using it as support to pull himself the rest of the way up, then turns around in his spot to face Teddy directly instead of away. It's slow-going to avoid hurting his leg, but if Teddy tries to help, he'll be batted off. It's a matter of pride, okay. Besides, his leg needs the exercise.

Especially since what he does next is use his good leg to swing the injured one over Teddy's thighs, plopping down to straddle his boyfriend, hands sliding up his chest.]

Lesson number one: how to know when a patient requires medical attention.

[Teddy had tried to help; he does like to dote on his boyfriend, after all, but he'll stop and merely hold his hand out as an offer instead upon being swatted away. Right, right, Billy's got his pride, just like he himself does, might as well offer help rather than force it.

Then Billy's straddling his hips and oh.

Should they really be playing this game? Billy's leg is still hurt, after all. But... well, there is that pride to consider. If this is what Billy wants, then he'll get it, as long as he doesn't push it. Teddy will draw the line there.

But for now, he moves his hands up to rest on his hips, then slide down to the middle of his thighs, eyes glancing down at the touches against his chest.]

I didn't know this was part of the procedure. [He looks up at Billy again, a quirk of a smile on his lips.] So. How do you know, other than the obvious signs?

[Billy's fingers brush over the material of Teddy's shirt at first, toying with it a little, then drags his hands further up, cupping Teddy's cheeks and leaning in, keeping distance enough to avoid a kiss. His expression is somewhat scrutinizing.]

Well. It's hard for your average person to notice- this kind of diagnosis requires an expert. There's a few signs here- [His thumbs briefly tug down Teddy's lower eyelids,] An excellent indicator of pain or stress. And then here- [His fingers slide up even more, lightly pressing on Teddy's eyebrows, furrowing them,] They sort of scrunch in when something's wrong. And this- [His hands go lower now, back to Teddy's cheeks, turning his head a little to the right-] The neck muscles seem to reject the idea of there even being a problem, so they try to resist facing it. And the biggest sign is here, of course. [His fingers stop on the corners of Teddy's lips.] What we have here is a part of the body that never knows what to do itself. The rest of the body is telling it to this- [He curves Teddy's mouth slightly downwards-] But for some reason, they always do this- [Upwards into a smile, now, holding it in place for a long moment.] And that's just not natural.

[Oh god what is Billy doing to his face

The moment it starts, Teddy frowns and blinks and moves his hands to touch Billy's forearms instead, because he is sure this isn't how to tell if someone needs medical attention. Of course, he should've known with the straddling, but jeez.

It takes Teddy a moment to realize what Billy's really talking about here. And he seems to look resigned as a result, and a bit guilty. The reason why he hides things like that, especially what he was thinking earlier, is because he knows it's nothing to worry about. He knows it and Billy knows it, so why bother anyone with it? You only hear about these kinds of things in girls who cry to their friends in high school about their boys and what they fear the most.

And it... didn't even used to be so bad. It was after Teddy's image of himself, already so fragile, was kicked out from under him by Kl'rt and the Kree army, rendering him from having a small sense of belonging to none at all. After that, it seemed to bleed into everything else, too, despite how much Teddy tried to stop it and didn't want it.

It's been easier, better, thanks to his friends, thank to being a hero, and thanks to his boyfriend. But it still causes problems sometimes, such as right now.

Once Billy finally stops abusing his face, Teddy averts his gaze to look down at his chest instead, his hands still touching Billy's arms. Caught, of course. Billy's gotten good at telling if something's wrong.]

Mmm. It must be serious if it isn't natural.

Then what kind of diagnosis would you give, Doctor Kaplan?

[Once it becomes evident that Teddy understands what he's trying to do, Billy's expression softens, and he shifts his hands to rest on the blond's shoulders instead, gently rubbing them for a moment, hoping to soothe his concerns.]

Doctor Kaplan would say that the patient needs a generous dosage of understanding, mixed with a healthy amount of reassurance, and above all else, lots of TLC.

[His arms snake around to gently hug Teddy's head against his chest, fingers brushing through his hair.]

Of course, it wouldn't hurt if he'd occasionally tell his boyfriend when he's being a jerk.

[TLC. Yes, Teddy definitely doesn't object to TLC, even if he's still feeling a little embarrassed about being caught and out in the open like this. He shuts his eyes and leans against Billy's chest once he's pulled there, simply enjoy the warmth and the feel of the person he loves most, and it's only when Billy talks again that Teddy lifts his arms to wrap them around his waist, pulling him against himself in return.]

You weren't being a jerk. I was just worrying too much again.

Yes I was, and yes you were. So we both have something to work on.

[He kisses the top of Teddy's head, fingers still carding through his hair, and nestles in close to his boyfriend, comfortable and determined to do his best to keep Teddy from feeling bad about it. He'd given Teddy a reason to doubt him, and whether he should or not isn't in question. If Teddy's worried, then he needs to make sure he knows that there's no reason to.]

Remember how you looked on the day we first met? You were so tall, with all that muscle... your face was thinner, too, and all your features were really fine. On the outside you were basically perfect... I had a crush on you almost immediately. Before then, I'd never met anyone who was as good-looking as you.

Mmm.

[It's a sound of acknowledgement; yeah, he remembers, he'd just rather not comment too much on it. That was just a few hours after he broke ties with Greg, and the topic Nate wanted to talk to them about was so surreal that he almost didn't believe it, and so he kept losing attention and thinking of his situation. What would happen now? Would Greg tell his secret to everyone? Would he be outed as a mutant? Kicked off the basketball team? What if the Avengers found out he was doing? He was basically dead.

And he kept the form that he'd shown to get in with the members of the team in the first place, knowing this was what people wanted, this was what got the most attention, this is what got people to notice him. And it apparently worked then too, if it got Billy to think he was perfect almost immediately.]

It was... what, a few weeks later? Nate hit you with that energy blast that knocked you right out of your shift. You must've been pretty dazed, because you looked different.

[He knows this is hard on Teddy, so instead of pausing too long, he forges ahead, his fingers never stopping their movement for a second.]

It must've been hard on you... feeling like you had to hide yourself from everyone, even your teammates. I can't imagine what that would be like.

[For someone like him, who's never been ashamed of who he is, or even shy about it... he can't even fathom using his power like that. With his magic he could probably wish himself into whatever he wants - he's done it before, during missions - but truth be told, it sounds exhausting, doing it all the time. He loathes the very idea of destroying his own identity just to make other people happy. He knows he's not all that much, and his self-esteem can be pretty low, but at least he knows he's himself.

For a long time, Teddy didn't have that.]

I couldn't stand the idea of not knowing who the real you was. That's why I gave you a hard time about it. Because if you were lying about your appearance... I don't know, maybe you could be lying about other things, too. Maybe everything that was making us friends, or what made us a good team, was just you trying to be perfect for us. And that's not right.

[Teddy's hold tightens a little at that, and he presses his cheek against Billy's chest. Billy knows by now that he hadn't lied about anything else; sure, he'd been a bit of a blank slate at first, trying to see what they wanted him to be. But over time, he didn't adapt, he simply... reacted, as himself. And it felt wonderful, especially when he got someone to laugh, or someone appreciated him. Even if he couldn't look himself, he'd certainly act himself.]

Yeah... It's not. We were walking home and you kept asking about it. I wanted to say that other person was who I was so badly, but after hanging out with you guys so much... I don't know. I couldn't do it.

Right. When you changed that day... I was really happy. I got to meet the real you face to face, and you know what?

[He ducks his head again, resting his chin against Teddy's hair and giving it an affectionate nuzzle.]

I really liked you. The way you smiled and shook my hand? It was so earnest and real... I was crushing on you before, sure, but I think that was the day I first started to fall for you.

[There'd been such hesitance in him, so much reluctance beforehand. And to have his appearance acknowledged, accepted, embraced, even. The relief and joy had made it the most beautiful face Billy had ever seen. And it's that honesty that has him coming back every time- because for all that his magic can change the world, for all that Teddy can change himself, when they're together, it's all real.

And he loves it. He'll always love it.]

Teddy... you know why I'm telling you this, right?

I wonder.

[There's a little smile on Teddy's face as he gives Billy's chest a light nuzzle. It's nice to hear that... that the real him can give Billy such a response. That it's loved, appreciated, even from the start. Billy was honestly the first one to ever say he wanted to hang out with the real him, the only one to not whisper behind his back about something of his. For everyone else, he'd been too short, he needed a haircut, he was too geeky, his dimples when he smiled were weird... just unimpressive in general.

But Billy accepted it all, even embraced it. Each and every time Teddy tried to hide something after that, Billy would call him out on it or move his hand away or - just little things that made Teddy realize how much the real him was appreciated. And he'd never felt such joy in his life.

Teddy tilts his head back then, not enough to dislodge Billy from his hair, but at least enough to press his lips against his chest without his nose getting in the way, instead resulting in his words being muffled.]

You want me to be more honest?

Words, Tee, those are sounds.

[A gentle teasing jab at Teddy's usual response; he shouldn't be pointing fingers, after all, considering how much he loves to mumble. It was mostly understandable, though, and after a moment of quiet cuddling he lowers his hands to Teddy's shoulders again, urging him back a bit.]

I want you to be yourself, whatever you want to be, whatever feels the most natural to you. If you'd told me that day that you thought that form was who you were meant to be, and you really believed it, I'd have been okay with that. If you decided that Hulkling should be your real form, I'd still accept you. So no, I don't want you to turn into Tommy - that really is gross, by the way - and I don't want you to be anyone else, either. Just you. Just Teddy. That's more than enough for me.

["I know", he wants to say. He knows, he shouldn't have to be reassured. He shouldn't have to worry.

But Teddy doesn't say it, because the truth is, he does worry sometimes. Who in the world is he? What is he? Who is he supposed to look like, what is it that everyone wants? The Skrull prince? A warrior of Kree like his father? Hulkling? Something in between? Can't he just be him?

No matter what, though, no matter what he might decide... Billy will be at his side. Loving him not for how he looks, but for who he is. And for a teenager who's lived his life on insecurities and constantly shifting, even when he didn't know he had this ability, to fit what other people wanted...

He isn't sure if Billy knows how profound that is, or what it means to him.

So, instead of saying that, Teddy lets out a sigh, and he tips his head back to rest his chin against Billy's chest and look up at him. If the smile and his relaxed posture isn't enough, then that joy and absolute adoration in his eyes ought to say how he feels.]

How did I ever deserve someone like you?

[Billy's smile is musing in response to that, leaning in to kiss Teddy's forehead. Dummy. Such a dummy sometimes.]

I keep asking myself that question, and I'm not any closer to figuring it out, either. Maybe instead of wondering about it, we should just be grateful we're this lucky.

[Because he does feel lucky- even if Teddy has problems,it's not like he's any better, and sometimes they both flounder and fight about it. Sometimes they say or do the wrong thing, and sometimes he says something callous that reminds Teddy of his mom, and sometimes Teddy tries to give him a heart attack doing something stupid. And sometimes they say or do the right thing, like the moment where Teddy built him up by talking about how strong he was without his powers when he was low, or this moment, right here and now.

They're not perfect. But that's what makes them right. And he's giving that look right back at Teddy, fingers curling gently in his hair once more.]

I love you, T.

I love you too, B.

[Teddy would be content with just looking at Billy like this forever. But since the urge is so powerful right now, the smile widens a bit as one hand slides up Billy's back until it reaches the back of his head, then pulls it down, enough to close the distance between them and give him a deep and grateful kiss.

They're not perfect. But damn, does this feel perfect right now.]

[Oh thank god- if Teddy hadn't beaten him to it, Billy would've initiated the kiss himself. All this worrying and fussing has earned them a little comfort time, and he did promise Teddy some TLC, so... one long, indulgent kiss, coming up.]

[And with that, Teddy slides his hand down slightly to rest on the nape of Billy's neck instead, tugs a little against his boyfriend's waist to pull him comfortably against him, and indulges in their kiss, one that has often times grossed out Billy's little brothers because THEY'RE USING TONGUES.

No one here to do that now, which means Teddy can enjoy this for as long as he wants and not hold back the quiet sounds that occur when a pleasant sensation is felt. Without anything to interrupt them, it feels like they've got all the time in the world.]

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