selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[Loki laughs.]

Breach of trust? What trust? [No one trusts him anyway. They never do. No one thinks well of him, either. There's a certain freedom to it.

...except Rogue, in her own way. Blast, if this is something the humans are going to be so strange about. He's going to have to talk to her, he supposes. This will be an unpleasant conversation. This thought, he gives no sign of.]

[Dryly:] Enjoy explaining how you are so intimately familiar with my magics.

[He shakes his head.] But this is what I do not understand in the slightest. You call this spying and seem terribly upset, when in fact it is the farthest thing from. It means I needn't spy at all, which I really think works out best for everyone involved. Why is this even an issue?

[Because this is also true. In the scramble after someone trying to kill him again it didn't even occur to him that this could be an issue, not that he would have been stopped even if he had thought of it. Why would anyone object to this on the general principle? It seems to him the main objection is just that it comes from him, which was another reason to be quiet. Only that doesn't seem to be Billy's problem at all.]

Edited (Last edit I swear) 2012-12-25 15:24 (UTC)

[Wow, ouch. Billy feels a wave deeply-rooted misery flare to life within him, much as he tries to quell it, and he has to glance aside, still visibly uncomfortable. That? That hurt. And he has to wonder if Loki even realizes it did- and if so, how much. Trust... earned trust is important. He can't even fathom how little Loki seems to comprehend this- how little he values the trust he's been offered. And this vaguely defeatist attitude is going to get him into trouble, and soon, if it hasn't already.

He's glad that Loki carried on a bit more beyond the first few sentences he'd spoken; it gives Billy time to bury that fresh wound as best he can before responding.]

I... don't know if I can explain it to you in a way that'll make you understand, if you don't already. It's about honesty. Using magic on people without permission- you've got a lot of power, you know? And that can be scary. It can intimidate people. And scaring and intimidating people is no way to make friends. It doesn't hurt anybody to ask if you can cast a damn spell on someone before you go and do it. It's a courtesy you're supposed to do to earn someone's trust, and it's a necessity if you want to keep whatever trust you might have. [....] And... people do trust you, whether you believe it or not.

[The wound flares again, sharp and full of bad memories. After all he's shared with Loki, at this point? The parts of himself that he's offered freely, despite any misgivings, despite the man's history, despite knowing he's a murderer and an enemy of most of the people whose opinions he values more than anyone else? What the hell does Loki even think that was for? It really hurts, to hear it brushed aside so casually, and he's trying not to let it show again with marginal success.

Just... ignore it. Move on. Pointing it out would probably just earn him another "hey guess what I'm Loki and evil and kill people, remember" and he really, really cannot deal with that right now.]

[Loki frowns, knowing something has gone awry but not entirely certain what.]

I find that surprising, really. I was dubbed a liar very early on and no one really trusted me after, for why would they? [Except Thor. But Thor is an idiot, and he hates Thor for reasons too many to count. But after a thousand years, you just sort of... give up trying. It's like drowning, in its own way. He laughs.] If one is not loved, being feared is far better than being held in contempt, yes? One might get more accomplished with less injury.

There are a great many reasons to not bother asking, reasons of time, or pragmatism, or secrecy, or strategy. [He raises an eyebrow.] And in the past, it was often just assumed I did magic like using my left hand, for it gave me small advantages that warriors did not have, such as knowing what might happen at a distance. I was a prince, you recall.

[In his own, oblique way, he wants to know why he should bother. He's never really managed to make friends before, and being alone becomes a habit, a way to avoid the insanity of doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different result. And really, what right have humans to demand anything of him? Why would he even think about calling humans friend even if they didn't hate him? Only... he does.

Slowly, he adds:] What few friends I have, you and Obi-wan and Ikki... I am far more concerned with keeping you uninjured than I am with your being angry with me. Thus I have chosen a pragmatic course.

Edited (damn you html) 2012-12-26 07:10 (UTC)

You can fear someone and still have contempt for them. Actually, I'd say it's a more likely combination than any other. I'd know that better than most people.

[In his world it's very, very obvious that people hate what they're afraid of. Why would Loki's reality be any different?]

You know... back when I first met Teddy, I was terrified of him. His original costume was modeled after the Hulk the way mine was with Thor's, so he was huge and green- moreso than he is when he changes now, even. He really freaked me out. It's not like he wanted to scare me, but it wasn't something either of us could help until we got to know each other better. We got over it, though. He learned to trust each other, and that became a friendship. And then more. We both had trust issues, but figuring out how to be honest with each other made us closer.

[He gives Loki a pointed look, finally able to focus on him again.]

Why are you acting like you can only have one or the other- the honesty, or the safety you can offer us? Why can't you have both? Would Obi-Wan and Ikki have given you permission to cast this spell of yours? Because I would have, if you'd asked me.

Oh, 'tis true. But so long as fear is stronger than hate, they are paralyzed.

[Wow what is with this look, Billy. The eyebrows go up.] I am very glad for you. [Though he wonders, if that's how it's been going, between Rogue and himself. Not something he can really talk to Billy about.] You do realize, I trust you more than I trust nearly anyone else.

[He shrugs.] I hadn't thought about it, really. The thing needed doing, so I did it. It is only now you've demanded I consider it in this light.

[More than nearly anyone? That's... kind of a lot of pressure. Especially when he's so prone to screwing things up- either with a particularly caustic or hurtful remark at the wrong moment (Teddy can attest to that more than anyone else, bless that man for his patience), or a reckless act that could be misinterpreted as malice...

Still, it's kind of an honour, too. Like a landmark, or level of expectation he wants to live up to. For a moment he's really not sure how to respond to that.

Finally, he just purses his lips and moves on to something that had, in fact, just occurred to him in the last few moments.]

Let me try putting it like this. Remember the day we first met, when I tried to use my magic on you without you noticing? It wasn't even meant to hurt and you smacked me down for it. You called it rude. How are you any different for doing this?

Edited (weird spacing wtf) 2012-12-30 06:30 (UTC)

[He laughs.] Because mortals shouldn't mess about with cranky gods? You were poking at me for fun, I thought, or to try to find a weakness to exploit. That's a bit cheeky. Those of us with magics ought to have more caution around each other for that reason. We notice things.

So you caught me fairly in this one, to be sure.

Mm.

[Well, he's officially run out of arguments, but it obviously still bothers him. It's difficult to think the best of someone when they keep doing things that seem like such a clearly obvious violation to him, whether it's done with good intentions or not. It just feels wrong.]

...At least think about it.

[Loki sighs. He can tell Billy is still bothered. And it annoys him that he cares, that he doesn't want the boy bothered. And it also annoys him that Billy is so certain he is right when there is no objective truth to be found here.]

I shall, if you will in turn consider the fact that I am not human. I do not think as you do. And while I may like a small number of you and greatly enjoy your company, I have no desire to be human.

[He smiles slightly.] I do not expect you to agree with me.

Edited 2012-12-31 22:37 (UTC)

...Probably not, no. You may be a god, but you're not our god, and that means people here have very different expectations of you. You don't have to be human to have a little courtesy- plenty of non-humans manage to pull that off just fine. It's not that hard to ask first.

[He slides his hands into his pockets, leaning back. He'd rather not feel defeated about this, but he has a feeling Loki won't be changing his mind. And he doesn't want to cause trouble (or fights between friends) by telling people about the spell himself. He will if he has to, though- morally, he feels like can't do anything else.

Hopefully this won't get messy.]

People have often had expectations of me. [He sounds strangely amused.]

I am ultimately most concerned with getting things done. [He tilts his head.] As a general case.

And I still say you can have it both ways. It's never as clear-cut or black and white, right?

[Isn't Loki the one who said something like that to him?]

Betimes. [He shrugs. He's tired of this argument; it's not accomplishing anything.]

[He gets an uplifted brow at that- because as well read as he is, versed in all sorts of linguistics, sometimes Loki's speech patterns go right over his head.

It's not important enough to question, though.]

If you'd rather not teach me the spell after all that, I'd understand.

Consider this, if you will, from my perspective. What would not teaching you accomplish, other than a show of petty annoyance?

...which is tempting, I'll admit, but I am not so bothered that a moment of petty glee is of greater value than my relationship with my student. [He smiles wryly.] Better to teach you to do the thing properly.

[He's surprised by that, though in retrospect he knows he probably shouldn't be. Anyone's capable of pettiness, but when it's detrimental to you as much as the person you're getting back at, it's kind of pointless.]

...Okay. Well, thanks.

[Have a weak, peace-offering smile.]

[Loki smiles crookedly.] You are welcome, then.

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