selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

I know. [ A beat. ] I owe you one, Billy.

[ She shuts the journal. ]

[And then after an interesting confrontation with Loki, Billy hurries out of the room and goes looking for Jane, worried at first when he can't find her immediately outside the room. He's about four words into a location spell when he passes through the dome's entry doors and spots her by the path.]

Jane! Hey, there you are.

BIlly! [ She whips around to face him, a little alarmed. ] What took you so--

[ ... horror. Instant horror. ] He knew you were there.

[He glances behind him, briefly, as if he half-expects Loki to come flying at him, wounds be damned. He's honestly surprised he made it out of there alive.]

The whole time, yeah. He looked right at me.

[ All the color drains from her face. ]

Why didn't I think-- I just put your life in danger for the second time. I can't -- begin to tell you how sorry I am--

[ Cuts off, ducking her head, running a hand over her hair and-- trying to fight off the deeply ill feeling in her gut. ]

[Oh geez. The last thing he'd wanted was to make her worry.]

No- no, it's okay. It's not your fault, you didn't know, and I should've guessed. Actually, it's... well, I'm glad you brought someone with you, and it might've gone worse if you'd gone alone. And it's not like he didn't know me. We'd met before.

Edited 2012-09-28 06:54 (UTC)

... I don't know what I thought I'd accomplish, doing that. [ She starts to meander down the path away from the dome, hoping he'll take her cue and follow along. ] I just ... can't stop feeling like there has to be a way. Every time I talk to him I feel like I get a little closer to something, but... I don't know what.

[Billy frowns, glancing over his shoulder again before picking up the pace to catch up. He's glad to get away, even if a fight didn't actually happen. That could've gone so much worse.]

You can't push it. He just got here, and he's already been attacked- you're probably not going to get what you're after for a long time, if ever.

We don't have ever. If he decides to get revenge for this? [ Her mouth pulls sharply down at one corner. ] Who was that guy? There's just no way Tony and Steve approved that. Was that Hawkeye? [ Having been putting the pieces together on her own, he's the logical choice left over. ]

Hawkeye, yeah. Or... Clint Barton, anyway. I don't know if he really goes by Hawkeye yet. He's from your universe, not mine.

[He's trying not to be mad, but he kind of still is. Ugh, what a mess.]

Iiiiit was on the news. He does. I could kill him. That's probably not fair, but he has no idea what he's started. What he's done. What possessed him to think that was a good idea?

[ If only she knew the irony. She'd feel so, so awful. ]

I think... Loki did a lot to him, back in your world. And he killed a SHIELD agent the Avengers were really close to, so I guess that was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.

[ ... she sighs, heavily. ] Knowing Loki? It was probably a good reason. But no matter how good the reason, it was a bad idea. I don't know if we'll be able to clean this mess up.

...Nobody died. It might not be to late to fix things.

[He has doubts, but... he has to keep believing that they can work this out. The only alternative is an endless war between Loki and the Avengers, where people die without dying.]

... I hope you're right.

[ She rubs a hand over her face, then gives him a very apologetic smile. ]

You know, at some point, I swear I'm going to stop making you risk your life for me.

[He blinks at that, then shrugs his shoulders, a wobbly smile crossing his lips.]

If it's a choice between that and putting yourself in danger without help, then I hope you'll still give me a call, anyway. I'd feel worse if you got hurt and there was something I could've done.

I trust you. [ A quirky smile of her own, before she shakes her head and looks ahead of them instead. ]

Now I just need to break the news to Tony. He might actually kill me.

I'm pretty sure that would be counter-productive. Also, I'd stop cleaning his house.

[Now that all the fuss is over and done with, though, he gestures with a hand, letting his magic transform his uniform into civvies as he walks.]

[ She chokes, and then just sort of chuckles. ] That's -- some act of revenge for my death. Really get the feeling behind it, you know?

[ She sighs out, grinning stupidly at the sky. ] He knows. That I'm -- trying to do this, talk to him. But he also told me to, you know, put him on speed dial. Which I obviously didn't. Mooostly because I didn't think he'd approve.

Well, at least it's long-term suffering...

[He sobers at the rest, though, slipping his hands into his pockets.]

Of course he wouldn't approve. No one would, not so soon after- what he did.

[He pauses, opening his mouth to say something more, but he remembers something - blades, blood, ropes, screaming, choking, laughing - and he stops, ducking his head and saying nothing. That's not what this is about. If he keeps telling himself that, maybe he'll stop thinking about it.]

[ She shuts her eyes, and it becomes clear her smile is not one of genuine feeling, but of disbelief. As such, she misses anything really amiss with Billy's pause. ]

You know what's -- probably insane? I went now because I was hoping he'd get angry. That's the only time I've gotten anything approaching a real answer out of him. When he gets upset. God, what am I doing?

[He stops short at that, frozen in place, his gaze fixated on the ground, eyes slowly widening as those words sink in.

She... she was... hoping he'd...?]

[ She stops a second after he does, sighing. ]

I know. Believe me, I know. But think about what he said. [ ... ] If he did something to me, he'd have a couple of very powerful people very angry at him. He's not willing to take that risk. Even if that wasn't the case?

[ She turns to face him. ]

Think about what he just did to Clint. He didn't kill him! He could have done it and easily said it was, I don't know, self-defense. Fair. He didn't. He's still trying to win people over. Play the victim! Or ... I don't know. I can't pretend to actually understand what he's thinking.

But I know that right now? There's some risks he still can't take. And that's why I'm here. I'm defenseless. If he goes after me? It looks really bad for him.

[ She's risking her life. She knows it. If she pushes Loki too far he won't care. But she's actually banking on her own helplessness - because logic dictates, fairly clearly, that if he hurts a defenseless woman it will go poorly for him. She's not a hero. She is not coming from a position of power. And that? Enables her to bargain in a way none of the other capes could. ]

So ... I'm taking that risk. I'm not trying to provoke him. It just sort of ... happens. But when he gets angry? He tells me things. Things he actually means.

You think... that's a good thing? Making someone like him angry, just because it gets him talking?

[His voice is quiet and curt, laced with pain and anger and fear and plenty of other things he's pretty sure can't be named. There's a certain logic to her words, yes, and to a point, he understands what she means, what she's trying to say. But he remembers. He remembers walls painted red, and spinning blades, and the sound of someone choking on their own fluids. He remembers Hawkeye's wheezing breath, the precision of the knife wounds, how meticulous they'd been, almost scientific-

"I've wrapped up your present prettily-"

"I prefer to do it by hand-"

-no no no no no-]

Why- [His voice cracks, pitched with emotion, and he clings to his anger to regain momentum.] Why would you ever want that? To put yourself in danger just to get answers? You said yourself that it's stupid, but do you even realize how stupid? What he did- that's not playing the victim! That's a warning, just like he said! So what if he didn't kill Hawkeye? As if that changes anything!? As if that makes what he did better!?

[He falters again, breathless, drained, and inwardly cursing himself, because he knows this is too much- way, way too much. But he can't stop, not now. Not with that fear filling his thoughts, the memory of Teddy, of Hawkeye, the mental image of her strung up and bleeding like that-

-no no no no no no no-]

[ For once, all she wants to do is snap right back at him. She has her reasons. They are personal reasons, not very good reasons, but reasons that are raw and true and he's digging right at them, far more sharply than he realizes.

And she would. Normally. But now she sees -- him, reacting, to an extent that startles her out of whatever retort she'd been building up. She's silent for a second, giving him a somewhat alarmed look, before venturing just one single word somewhat quietly: ]

... Billy?

[IC] Appointments Post

voice, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th; if this is not okay tell me

action, sept 25th; your face isn't okay

action, sept 25th; wow rudest of rude

action, sept 25th; and yet you will never stop tagging me

action, sept 25th; yeah idk how this keeps happening

action, sept 25th; monopolizes all your time

action, sept 25th; /preferential tagging, gives no fucks

action, sept 25th; B) i win.

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th; oh lord you unleashed a flood

action, sept 25th; BRING IT

action, sept 25th; I KINDA JUST DID

action, sept 25th; I WANTED TO WAIL AT YOU ON PLURK

action, sept 25th; O O P S

action, sept 25th; ........ /wails

action, sept 25th;

action, sept 25th;