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[IC] Appointments Post
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[Action, January 1st]
Thanks!
[Action, May 30th] YOU DON'T HAVE TO AGREE SO QUICKLY...
I'm so stupid... I screwed up, Teddy... I thought I could help, but I just- I got in trouble, I got hit by one of those- shift soldiers, the ones who can kill your powers. My magic wasn't working, and they were chasing me... Thor found me. He saved me...
[His throat constricts, and he has to stop for a minute, trying to steady his breath. He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to say it. Saying it makes it real. It makes it worse, it...
...he wants to know... why I'm hurting. Why I'm having these nightmares.
He wants to help me...
He can practically hear his mother prodding at him to carry on. God, but her presence would be a blessing right now. But Teddy's here instead, managing this mess on his own, and at least he's trying rather than just ignoring it like Billy'd tried to do all week. He's helping more than anyone could ever hope. Billy won't forget that.
So, finally, reluctantly, he continues.]
He beat the cultists, but... then the shift hunters came. Those dog things... no, they were monsters. [He likes dogs. Dogs are cute and huffy and unconditionally loving and lick your face off if you leave them for more than ten minutes. These were nothing like dogs.] Thor tried to get us out of there... we almost made it. But they pulled him down, so he told me to fly us out instead. I tried... I tried, I did... I cast as hard as I could, I was focusing just like we practiced, and I could feel the magic there, but... but it wouldn't... I couldn't...
[His voice breaks again, and he has to stop again, burrowing once more like a scared child. With his face pressed tightly to Teddy's shirt the tears finally come, trickling down his cheeks, just a few drops at first, but once he gets started he can't seem to stop. His breath heaves with a sob, and all he can do is make himself breathe for a little while. It helps, the way Teddy's holding him, the way he's touching him. Soothing, warm, a constant presence that reminds him that he's home now. Safe. Not there anymore.
Eventually he speaks again, his voice barely a whisper.]
...they... they ripped his arm off, Tee...
[It's all he can say. The memory's too horrible; he can still feel the blood on his face sometimes, coating his skin and staining his clothes. His costume had been so wretched he'd nearly burned it when they got back to Luceti. Thor's blood. The blood of a hero he couldn't save.]
[Action, May 30th] I'LL AGREE A LOT LESS QUICKLY...?
He can't even imagine it. Thor, the mighty Thor, bested and downed in such a violent way, and his boyfriend had to see it, had to feel like it was his fault, even when it really wasn't. God, god... Teddy had heard about some of the horrors, dealt with some of them himself, but he'd never thought it was this bad. His heart thuds painfully in his chest, not just for Billy but for the image in his head, for Thor, for everyone who had to fight in such a way.
He can't even imagine it...
All he can do is let out a whispered "Oh my god..." before he tries to do something else for him. He shifts, as much as his clothes can let him, to be a little bigger, a little greener, a little more like Hulkling form. His arms easily cover Billy's smaller frame, and they keep him to his chest to let him cry as much as he needs to.
He keeps thinking he should say something to this, needs to say something... but he can't. All the words he want to say don't sound appropriate to what he just heard, the revelation that Thor had his arm ripped off... He feels useless, so he does all he can do.
He just holds him, a large hand stroking Billy's hair while he shut his eyes against the images in his head. He can't even imagine it...]
[Action, May 30th] I will accept this neutral ground
He can feel Teddy shifting against him, getting bigger, and although he can't see the colour through his tears, he can tell by the size that his boyfriend changed to Hulkling in the middle of that painful silence, broken only by his own sobs. He feels a rush of gratefulness, his grip tightening, even as he trembles and chokes out another broken sound. He tries to swallow it, tries to let that strong, soothing presence ease the horror of those memories, if only to give Teddy some sign that he is helping, even just a little. It takes some time, but he finally manages to settle enough to speak again. It's quiet, somewhat hoarse, but his grip is still strong.]
I'm sorry... god, I'm so sorry...
[Sorry for being a mess, sorry for being unable to stop it, sorry for sharing that horrible memory? He's not even sure. He's felt the urge to apologize incessantly since he saw Thor die and admitting what happened hasn't done a thing for such inclinations.]
[Action, May 30th]
God, he hates this place and the people who run it. If he could see them and break their bones - oh, that day would only come too soon.
But as it stands, he can't do that. What he can do is be here for his boyfriend, know that he's needed, and do his best to be the best fiancé he can be for him. A thought occurs to him, and he lowers his head to speak quietly, though enough for Billy to hear.]
I feel like it's not really me you're apologizing to...
[Action, May 30th]
I don't... even know. So much has happened now that I regret...
[It feels like their abduction and his subsequent loss of magic control was just the starting point to their spiral into misery, with more downs than ups for more reasons than he can count. And while certain ups - the ring around his finger in particular - made it so that the downs couldn't overwhelm them entirely, they sure did their best to keep them a step away from drowning. And he's so, so tired of treading water without a foothold or a decent rest.]
We just left him there, Teddy... he died, and we left him because we couldn't fight. Because I couldn't cast one stupid spell. I'm no Avenger... I'm not even good enough to be a sidekick.
[Action, May 30th]
So he pulls back enough to put his hands on Billy's shoulders and look at his face, shrinking back down to his normal form to make it easier on him.]
Hey, stop. You said you got hit by one of those shift soldiers, right? The ones that kill your powers? Besides, you've only been at your magic for what, three weeks or so? It's the timing of this stupid war, not your... skill, or anything. I'd rather have you getting back into magic when you're comfortable doing it, not forcing yourself back into it. That's why I waited all that time.
[He lets out a small sigh.] Billy... I know this isn't going to make you feel instantly better or anything, and that's okay. Just take it one step at a time, all right? Don't feel like you have to... rush it just for me. But... you know what? I still think I proposed to a superhero. And I don't think I'm going to stop feeling that way any time soon.
[Action, May 30th]
At least... not Thor. And while the regret still burns at him, Teddy's right about one thing: rushing this will surely cause problems, like what had happened before. It's better this way. Even if it's not enough.
He chews nervously on his lower lip, then hesitantly lifts his head, just enough to meet Teddy's eyes for a moment.]
I think... I think I helped Cap get away, after. When we were running... my magic started working again. I put them to sleep.
[He'd passed out, then, but when he'd woken up it had been only an hour later instead of a week, and Steve was nowhere to be found but at least he hadn't been dead. That was... something, right?]
[Action, May 30th]
See, there you go. You saved Cap from them. [After all, if they took down Thor, then what would they do to Cap? Billy probably saved his life there.] I know it's hard to see good things when there's really bad things in the way of it... but that was a really good thing you did.
[Action, May 30th]
[He sniffles one more time and wipes at his nose, ducking his head again uncertainly. It is hard to imagine any of what happened could be a good thing, but Teddy's right, and that's exactly why he needs to push himself in that direction. Bad experiences can have good moments. Even if he still feels like the problem had been his fault, he'd resolved it. Too late for Thor, but... not too late for Cap.]
I should... talk to him. Sometime. Just to...
[He gestures somewhat uncertainly; to check on him? He's a grown superhero, like he needs some kid chasing after him to see if he's okay. Apologize? Yeah, that sounds more accurate. He should definitely apologize.]