selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

My lips are sealed.

[Teddy watches Billy for a moment longer, then turns his gaze ahead, looking at the scenery as well as where he's skating. It'd look pretty bad if he sent the both of them flying over the edge and all.]

And thanks. For trusting me with all this.

[Even closing his eyes and letting Teddy speed along. He's honestly a little surprised that Billy went through with that.]

[Billy glances sidelong at Teddy for a long moment, considering that, then looks ahead once more, his cheeks flushed from more than just the cold.]

I'd... trust you with anything, Teddy.

[He could add more to that - a joke, a tease, a comment about how if following him blindly onto a questionably-frozen lake doesn't prove that, nothing will - but it wouldn't feel right. He's serious and sincere, and it's important that it shows. Jokes would ruin that.]

[Teddy's cheeks are flushed too, quietly musing on that. He'd trust him with anything...

They'd been working on that, since the possession left Billy. Teddy trusting him. Much of it had been broken the moment the fake got its hands around Teddy's neck, and they weren't mending much until the possession was gone for good. And it took a long time, months even, to come to this, not only with Teddy trusting Billy with his life, but all the reassurances that came with it, that he'd trusted before it was all broken apart.

He loves me no matter how I look. I can be honest with my appearance or change something I want to change, and he'd love me.

He would never replace me if I went missing, or died. He would search for me, even go to the ends of heaven and hell or the universe to find me. And he wouldn't stop unless I asked him to.

I mean so much to him, and he trusts me with everything.

And, even though it happened, and it'll be a scar for the both of us...

He wouldn't hurt me. Ever. Never again.

Teddy looks down at Billy after that moment to think, and he gently squeezes his hand.]

I do, too. I trust you with anything.

[...He shouldn't do it. They're in the middle of the lake, but moving fast enough that the edge isn't that far, and he could make Teddy lose control or get their legs tangled and then they'll both fall and... he shouldn't.

He does it anyway: once those words sink in, he gives Teddy's hand a tug, pulling him closer, pulling him down just enough, and leans in to press cold lips against his boyfriend's. He's so warm in comparison. Loving, and trusting, and forgiving, and... god, he doesn't deserve this.

But he's so, so glad that he's got it.]

[A kiss was the best answer Billy could give. Teddy isn't sure what he'd do it Billy thought his trust wasn't worth it, and thus throw it back in his face. This, however... is acceptance, and love in return.

He lifts his free hand to press against Billy's cheek, his own skates coming together in a T shape to make himself slow to a stop, pulling Billy with him. Crashing while kissing isn't on his list of things to do tonight, and this is an important one at that. They've gone through so much, and they're still together. Possibly even stronger than before. What could tear them apart now?

When Teddy pulls back, he keeps his hands where they are and just gazes down at the love of his life, his beautiful eyes and his flushed nose and cheeks and cold lips and windblown hair...]

I love you.

[Always. Forever.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

And... I'm not afraid of it anymore.

The revelation makes Teddy take in a deeper breath. In all the times he's thought about taking the next step, asking Billy to officially be with him for as long as they live, he'd shy away from it and come up with reasons why he shouldn't. There's no forever in this place, and they'd forget about it when they went back. One of them could go home and leave the other alone and brokenhearted. They're too young. They're not ready. They're not mature enough. Marriages don't ever seem to last here.

And maybe they're still not ready to tie the knot just yet. But Teddy's realized that all those reasons - they're just excuses. They're here. They're alive, and they're still together, will always be together, even if one of them were to go home. They're here and Teddy doesn't know when they'll be going home.

But as long as they're here, however long this "forever" will be, Teddy wants to be a part of Billy's life, and he wants to share his own with Billy. It's what he wants so desperately that it makes his chest ache, and the only thing stopping him from kneeling down and asking right now is the fact that there are two small, lingering doubts.

Am I still going to want this later, after a fight or whatever else?

And what if Billy doesn't want it?

And one little fact that he doesn't even have a ring. He should at least get on that.]

... I love you so much.

I love you, too.

[There's no hesitation in Billy's response, only a contented smile and a slight shiver. Now that they've stopped moving for a moment he cuddles in closer, pressing his body against Teddy's and wrapping his arms around him. It's not that cold, but it's still so much warmer to be up close and cozy with the one he loves. He could stay like this forever.]

And thank you... for this. For everything. I can't think of anything I'd rather do than... be here, with you.

[It's more than just the skating. The skating's fine; it's still not his sport of preference and it's still too cold to be something he'd suggest himself but with Teddy, it's fun. With Teddy, he can smile and laugh and give it his all without fear of failing and being put down for it. With Teddy he knows that he's safe and respected and loved.

It's the skating, and it's the time and effort he's put into dragging Billy back out of his depression and finding ways to make him feel alive again. It's the way he never gave up, not once, even when he was struggling with his own identity and suffering in silence. It's the way he's always put Billy first, even with how selfish and self-loathing Billy himself could be. It's the way he can say that Billy is all his has with a straight face, truly believing it, pouring his all into keeping the person he treasures safe, healthy, and happy, and...

It's not just the skating. It's so, so much more than the skating. It's everything he wishes he could be in return, everything he's trying to be the further away he gets from the memories of what he'd done during his possession, with their anniversary sitting neatly between like a wall against the bad. Billy holds on tightly, burying his face in the crook of Teddy's shoulder, and breathes in deep the scent of him- the fresh air out here is great, but nothing makes him feel more alive than Teddy's smell. Just knowing he's close and holding him is enough.

I want this. I want this as long as the universe lets me have it. As long as you want it. I want to be right here with you...]

[Teddy certainly isn't going to resist cuddling, even if it's on ice. He slips his arms around his boyfriend's waist (and god, now he so wishes he could call him more than that) and holds him close, keeping them in place by digging one of his skates in by the toe. He shuts his eyes, taking in Billy's own scent, noticing the lack of magic thanks to not using it anymore, and finds that he doesn't mind it. There's still the sandalwood, the smell of coffee, the little things that make Billy who he is, the young man that Teddy loves so much.

He wishes he could keep holding him like this forever. And he hopes, wishes, yearns so desperately for Billy to want the same in return, to say yes when, not if, Teddy pops the question. It's so easy to imagine Billy saying either one or the other, and that's one of the things that scares Teddy into not wanting to do it just yet - and certainly not next month, with Billy's birthday and, god forbid, Valentine's Day.

But soon. He wants to do it soon, rid himself of whatever doubts he might have and kneel down and...]

That's... what I want, too. To be here with you, more than anything. Or anywhere you are. I want to follow you wherever you go... On ice or in another world or wherever.

[As long as I'm with you...]

[Billy sets free a quiet, half-breathless laugh at that, lingering for a moment before lifting his head up to smile at Teddy. He's not sure what his boyfriend's thinking about - he looks pretty damn affectionate and thoughtful right now - but if it's anything like his own thoughts, it's something serious and exceptional loving. God, wouldn't that be nice?

And seriously, seriously, what did he ever do to deserve this?]

I sure hope we don't have to go to more worlds than this one to stay together. But I'd follow you too, if we did. I really don't think anything could keep us apart for long.

They can try.

[Teddy remains smiling back at him for a moment before he blinks, smile fading a bit, then rolls his eyes as he realizes what he said.]

Wait. No, I take that back. I don't want to jinx anything. [Then the smile's back as he bumps his nose against Billy's.] But you know what I mean.

[They'd practically already been through several versions of hell together. If they can survive all of that and still be as strong as ever, they can survive anything.]

I definitely do.

[And since they're no longer moving so quickly, and since Teddy's close enough, Billy goes ahead and tilts his head just enough to turn the bump into a kiss. It's cold, but he can think of no better way to warm up.]

[IC] Appointments Post

[Action, January 8th]

[Action, January 8th]

[Action, January 8th]

[Action, January 8th]

[Action, January 8th]

[Action, January 8th]

[Action, January 8th]

[Action, January 8th]

[Action, January 8th]

[Action, January 8th]