selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[At first, Billy feels angry, his body tense, the darkness flaring around his wings, creating an invisible bubble of cold around their bodies as if to drive Teddy away. While only moments before he'd wanted to be close for comfort and self-indulgence, now he's distressed and upset, and it only increases when he tries to draw back and finds himself immobile. Teddy never holds him like this. He's never used this strength against him. It's not fair, it's not right, he needs to let go right now...!

And suddenly, unexpectedly, Teddy's kissing him, and the contact is like a catalyst. The restraint had pulled taut something inside Billy that he feels snap abruptly, and he shudders, the tension draining from his shoulders, relaxing into the embrace for a moment. It's fine, it's fine. Teddy's finally letting him do what he really wants to do, what he's needed since that first morning he'd woken up with these wings. He'll take this comfort and love and it's fine...]

[But is it really fine?

Teddy can feel his energy draining by the second. He didn't have much left thanks to Nala making him heal everything he could see, which was why he planted himself on the couch in the first place, and now the last of it is being drained. He doesn't know what will happen once it's all gone - would this kill him?

He's not thinking that far ahead, though. He's freezing, and the hand against Billy's cheek trembles both from that and the lack of energy he's feeling. His limbs hurt, his very core hurts, and Nala's panic is making his wings turn even whiter than before, as white as Billy's wings are dark. She's trying to fully take him over.

But he presses himself further into the kiss, frowns, and pushes the spirit away as much as he can. He needs to do this, no matter the outcome.]

[Everything is bliss for what feels like an eternity, and a part of Billy just wants to sink into it, let the darkness take him and Teddy away, because it feels so good. It's cold, yes, colder still as he lifts a hand to wrap around Teddy's at his cheek, holding it in place, but he likes it that way. He feels at home. Like the embrace of a loved one.

....

...a loved one...

Teddy's not supposed to be cold.

It's a flicker of clarity, a memory- no, a realization of how things were before, how things are supposed to be. Cuddling up during chilly winter mornings so recently past, one body finding another only inches away and drawing so close that it's as if their skin melds together. Sleepy smiles under the covers. And something else, sweet and secret and sensual, a rush of energy and sweat and it's warm, all of it's warm. The opposite of what he feels right now.

Cold is awful; he's never liked it. He's always cold, his dad used to say he has his mother's feet, but they'd always fit so perfectly under Teddy during their cuddles, who put up with it with minimal complaints, who wrapped an arm around him and held him close until he didn't feel like such a reptile anymore, who kissed his cheek and smiled at his griping and- and he-

he's so cold

The realization is piercing now, almost violently so, and with a gasp he breaks the kiss, yanking his hand down to try and pull Teddy away from his cheek, tilting his head so his lips are mere fractions of an inch away from skin. He's trembling now, the shadows flaring and receding every few seconds, and when he speaks, his voice is faint and tremulous.]

Teddy... Teddy stop... you have to stop, I can't...

[When Billy breaks the kiss, Teddy keeps his eyes shut while he takes in deep breaths, as if he can't get enough air. And he keeps shivering - Teddy's never minded the cold so much, seeing how Billy's told him several times that he's like some kind of warm-blooded furnace. Which just makes cuddling with Billy all the better, heat and cold becoming warm, something intimate and something precious.

This is a different kind of cold. It's right down to his bones, making him feel stiff, like darkness itself is covering him. There's some warmth left; it's Nala, right there in the cavity of his chest and in the base of his wings, shining and radiant with her own energy. His wings are spread, Nala's doing, and his shoulders are set with the effort it takes to fight her, to resist the incredibly powerful urge to flap his wings down just once, just enough to take him away from this, from the chill, from Billy.

But he clings onto the memories they have, of them lying entwined together without a care in the world, looking into each other's eyes and getting lost within earth and sky without fearing the other getting closer. Hands entwining without thinking that they should stop soon. Kissing, holding each other and making love without thinking that it's the worst idea in the world.

It's what makes him keep holding on, and it's what makes him take a deep breath, lift his head and open his eyes.]

Billy... you can. You - You can do this. We can.

[And though right now it feels like the last thing in the world he wants to do, Teddy leans in again and places his lips over Billy's once more, dives right into that cold darkness, because he's a stupid teenage boy who's desperately in love.

And love is worth fighting for.]

Mm... mmmf....!

[Billy's response is graceless this time, frantic and desperate, trying to move away from Teddy, but he's still locked in an iron grip, and his struggles aren't getting him anywhere. He knows he's being energized by this, the darkness fueled by what he's taking from Teddy, and there's still that whisper, gentle and soothing and commanding, that it's fine, they're fine, but this is what they need right now, what he needs...

His slight tremble has graduated to full-blown shaking now, and it's only when he's drawn enough strength from Teddy that he manages to force them apart again. This time his eyes are wet, tears trailing down his cheeks, and there's a desperate, terrified plea in his voice, almost hysterical, that he can't hide.]

Stop... stop, please... please, Teddy... don't let me do this... god, please stop it...

[He can feel the push, both inward from Twila and outward from Teddy's body, and he ducks his head, burying his face against Teddy's chest in an attempt to keep them from kissing again. Fine, it says. It's fine. It's fine and Teddy believes in him and

he can't

he has to

it's not fine

IT'S NOT FINE, WE'RE KILLING HIM

Twila pushes, and for the first time he really pushes back.]

[The kiss breaks again, and this time, Teddy doesn't have the will nor the strength to try again. He's so tired, and all he wants to do is just... fall back and let go and sleep.

But he's so close... Billy is so close. And he can't - he won't give up until Twila's let go of Billy. Even if it breaks him from the inside and out, so be it, if it means that it lets go of Billy. If it means saving him...

"Love is worth fighting for. Such devotion... surely, I..."

Teddy keeps his eyes shut again, his whole body feeling unsteady due to the world feeling like it's spinning out from under him. But he keeps enough of a hold on himself enough to lower his head, pressing his lips to the back of Billy's head, and move his arms, which feel like they weigh a ton, and wrap them around his lover until he's holding him close.]

You got this... [He murmurs it against his hair, just a whisper and soft brushes of his lips. He's not sure if he can be louder than that.]

[Billy shudders, his shoulders shaking from sobs muffled against Teddy's shirt, fingers clenching in the material. He doesn't want this. He doesn't want it anymore, this darkness, these shadows, the wall of danger between them that causes this- this pain every time they kiss or get too close. He doesn't want quiet little whispers in his head that he's not sure are his or someone else's. He doesn't want to be one half of a person anymore.

He wants... no, what he needs... is for Teddy to be safe. He needs whatever is wrong with him to be fixed.

And then it hits him- what hasn't worked, this whole time, what can work if not met by resistance... resistance caused by him, not Twila, all along.

He needs to be fixed. To be healed. The one thing his magic has never been allowed to do, for whatever deeply rooted, screwed up mental block that he'd probably need a dozen therapists to fully understand. He can't do it alone, and in the state he's in, neither can Teddy.

Let's fix this.

We're a team.

We can do it.]

No... no.

[No more. No more of this. He's done hurting the one he loves.]

We got this.

[He closes his eyes, reaching deep inside himself for that pool of calm, the one he'd learned to develop with all those self-help books, back at the beginning sitting across from Teddy, holding hands and willing for the world to change for him. He reaches, and he relaxes, and he breathes, and he stops. He stops it all: the spread of darkness, the draining energy, the whispering.

He opens his eyes and there's a burst of blue light, starting at his eyes, then his hands, slowly spreading over his body like a wildfire until it's created a magical net around him, surrounding the shadows and holding it in. It coats the wings, flaring strongest of all there, biting at the black feathers like the snapping jaws of a wild animal. He chants, quietly at first and gradually growing louder as his confidence and control rises.]

"IwantittogobackIwantittogobackIwantittogobackIwantittogobackIwantittogoback..."

[For a long moment there's nothing, darkness and defiance and one last-ditch effort at convincing him to go back to taking, taking, taking it all. When once it was so difficult to ignore, with Teddy's hands in his, it takes little more than a mental shrug to resist the voice and let the magic gently spread to Teddy's hands, snaking up his arm and arcing across his chest to center over his heart. It starts out slowly, gradually gaining momentum: a magical IV line of energy, the strength that he'd let Twila steal for him. Giving it back, so Teddy has the strength to help him drive it out.

They'll do this together; he wouldn't want it any other way.]

[At first, Teddy can barely hear a word, can barely feel Billy's touch in his hands, what with the world seeming far away right now in a tangled foggy web. He's the one who jumped into that web, and though he tries desperately to push back through it, he can't right now. He leans hard against Billy, hands limp in the other's, and nearly loses his grip on everything right there.

But there's a bright light beneath his lids, and then he feels blessed warmth spread up his arms and to his chest. It's like his own blood is coming back to life, flowing once again and pushing away the biting cold. And from within that foggy haze in his head, a familiar wisp of blue reaches out to him, and when he can't reach out for it, it takes his hand instead and guides him back.

We got this.

His head lifts up again, and his hands grip Billy's once before shifting, moving until they're entwined with Billy's fingers instead. He knows exactly what to do. And he's tired of waiting for Billy to do this himself, when the answer all along wasn't to keep encouraging him to push it out himself, but to take his hands and help.

He lowers his head to press his forehead against Billy's, a little smile on his face as he feels Nala stir within him again. She spreads through his body and lights up his hands with a glow of their own, matching Billy's blue light, and for once, Teddy doesn't try to fight it. He uses her strength, just as he's using Billy's strength, and his own.]

We want it to go back. We want it to go back, wewantittogobackwewantittogobackwewantittogoback...

[Teddy has no power of will like Billy. But they have each other, their own power which they both rely on, both compliment, both support and give and take and love. He has this.]

[With his eyes ablaze and lost in the magic, Billy can't see exactly what's going on, but he can feel it; Teddy's hands entwined with his, their foreheads touching, and above all, the flow of energy, the likes of which he's never experienced before. His chant shifts, speaking in sync with Teddy now, and the glow gently intensifies, more of Twila's dark energy flowing into his boyfriend, being purified by Nala's healing, flowing back into Billy. It's a perfect cycle, he thinks musingly, a yin yang of power, a connection that goes far deeper than just what they can see in front of them. It's a connection of the heart, his to Teddy's, and it's working.

He can feel Twila's grasp on him slipping, and he gives Teddy's hand a gentle squeeze to convey it. His hands are warming up, his back straightening, the flow of magic and energy speeding up as Twila's resistance fades more and more. They're so close...]

[Teddy can feel it too, not just through the warming of their hands and Billy's grasp tightening, but from within. A coldness flows within, only to leave with a purifying warmth to be collected by his boyfriend, and as Billy squeezes his hands, Teddy can feel that coldness start to lessen in strength. It's a connection of the heart, enough to make Teddy feel the magic when he only had a mere understanding of it.

Nala's power and the workings of it makes his own eyes glow too, just like Billy's, his eyes and wings and hands and even his whole body, a soft white light underneath his clothes. Her grasp on Teddy tightens while Twila's hold on Billy lessens, and yet Teddy isn't afraid. She's helping the spirit, helping the two of them along, not taking over. That's the way she is, helping and healing and caring for all the spirits, even Twila himself.

Teddy gives Billy's hands a gentle squeeze as well, his chant never stopping. There's a warmth all throughout his body, cleansing him of that deep chill from before. It's almost over...]

[They're so close, and he can feel it- the return of Twila's voice, louder now, just as desperate and frightened as Billy had been while draining Teddy just moments ago. But Billy isn't scared anymore. He feels calm, completely at peace, and more than anything, content, satisfied, which means that nothing Twila might try to offer him is unnecessary. He has everything he needs right here, right now, connected to his heart, soul, and mind by a tiny strand of blue, by touching foreheads and interlocked fingers.

But with that calm comes understanding, and he realizes what he needs to do now.

It's okay. It's fine, really.

We won't lock you up again. You're safe now. Just let us go, and it'll be okay. We can both be free.

Please, go.

He feels a tug, a hesitant whisper, a tremble that goes straight to his core, his hands shaking against Teddy's. And then he inhales sharply as the magic net is breached, the shadows bursting outwards for a second before they settle, flowing out of him and dissipating like a cold black mist.

Only when it's finally gone does he let himself breathe again, shaking and gasping, wearily clinging to Teddy like a lifeline. He releases the spell, the magic fading around them, and he feels like crying again for a very different reason.

They did it. Together, they did it. He's free.]

[Nala more than anything feels the shadows disperse. It's pride he feels, from himself and from her. Pride, sympathy, and determination, for this to never happen again.

Teddy hasn't stopped glowing yet, because Nala is still there, yet her own power is starting to wane. His body dims, and his still glowing eyes shut while he feels in tune with the spirit for the last time.

Thank you. I might not be here if it wasn't for you.

You helped us both. You helped set us free.

Thank you.

Now, go.

There's another touch just like when he first felt Nala possess him, that feeling of a mother's touch caressing him, a sensation he still remembers. As her own light rises out of his back, the glow in his hands fade, and finally, his wings, and Nala's spirit fades away as if it were rising into the air and separating, influencing everything.

Immediately, Teddy breathes harder again, feels tired again, but he can't stop smiling, and even he feels tears prick at his eyes. They did this, together. They're free.

He opens his eyes, not even bothering to hide the wetness, and lets out a weak chuckle.]

Hey... we did it.

[Billy starts slightly at Teddy's voice, eyes flickering open to meet his boyfriend's. There's tears in his eyes again, already trickling down his cheeks, but when he sees the light gone around them, feels the difference in the air - normal temperature now, the warmth of their bodies and no chills, no dark and cold surrounding them - he leans forward to press his forehead against Teddy's, a soft, hiccuping sob escaping his lips before he manages a smile.]

We did... we did it...

[It's such a relief, such a relief that Teddy feels the wetness in his eyes travel down his cheeks, just a few, and he lets out another quiet chuckle, wishing he could laugh. But as soon as he shifts to get in a better position -

It's as if his body finally realized just how much it had been through. Healing every person he saw who was injured, every animal, his power being taken advantage of by Twila-folk, both his boyfriend and others alike, and finally, this massive purging of the spirits...

That feeling he couldn't identify earlier, that "pass out" feeling, is returning, but this time it's even stronger. Enough that everything fades out, making him break the contact between their foreheads to hang his head and sway, and then everything blackens, making him pitch forward and not even feel it as he ends up falling into Billy's lap.

It's a short black-out though, and just as soon as he's down, he's awake again, blearily so, and blinks hard a few times while holding his head.]

Ugh...

[Short as it was, the black-out was enough to send Billy into a panic. Teddy's unexpected weight on him had pushed him backwards, and he has to scramble to grip the couch cushion for balance, dragging himself back up and pulling Teddy with him, clutching the other boy to his chest.]

Teddy? Teddy!?

[His voice is pitched with fear, breath quickened, like when Teddy had been pushing for a kiss, and now he's scared that it was too much, that he'd fought and released Twila too late. He shakes Teddy gently, tucking the blond against his shoulder and brushing his hair back to see his eyes. When he stirs, Billy finds that he can breath again, but the fear is still very much there.]

Oh god, oh god, Teddy...

[When some clarity returns to him, Teddy's first thought is How did I get here? It makes him frown a little with confusion, because one moment he was sitting in front of Billy and touching foreheads, and the next, he's in Billy's arms with his head against his shoulder...

But when realization comes to him, his eyes widen slightly, and he glances at the spot where he once was before he looks at Billy again. Did he seriously just - Has he ever -

Those thoughts don't stop him from noticing the look on Billy's face, and so Teddy lifts up his hand, heavy as it feels, to stroke his cheek.]

Hey, hey, it's okay, I'm - [God, everything still feels dizzy and muted and dull. Teddy shuts his eyes and lets out a quiet groan before he keeps going.] I'm okay, I'm just... not feeling so hot.

[Billy watches him closely, feeling sick with worry; Teddy's hardly ever like this, his healing ability taking care of pretty much any injuries or weakness, never getting sick... and in a flash of realization Billy is reminded of the draft, of the Skrulls attacking.

And he did this.

He flinches slightly, then pushes his guilt aside - there'll be time for that later - and reaches up to grab Teddy's hand, tugging it down from his cheek and pulling the blond back against his shoulder, gently stroking his hair.]

I-I... god, I'm so sorry... just relax, try to rest. I'll take care of you.

[He can't fix this, much as he wishes to; exhaustion can't be healed. But he'll do whatever he can to help.]

Mmm. [Relaxing and resting sounds good right about now. And the fact that Billy's here, the fact that he can sink into his warmth, his warmth, and not have to fear him. There's still an urge to push him away, wired into him after too many times of getting partially drained. But he pushes it back down, because this? This is home. This is where he belongs, in Billy's true warmth, just Billy and no one else.

Which brings up his next question, as he opens his eyes again to look up at him wearily.]

Can you stay for a while? [Maybe he's not normally so vocally needy, and he doesn't like the way that came out of his mouth, but...

It's been a while, and he's missed this so much.]

God, as if I'd go anywhere...

[A part of him wants to keep himself as far from Teddy as possible, in case something's still wrong with him, but he wants to make up for what he has done already, and that means respecting Teddy's wishes. Though it helps that the rest of him just wants to cling for all he's worth. He glances around, noting the pathetic state of the couch, then holds Teddy closer, murmuring under his breath for a moment. He's tired too, but he has enough power for at least one spell; when the blue light around them fades, they're on the bed, and he nudges Teddy into lying down, kissing his forehead.]

Sleep, okay? Don't worry, I'll be near.

[Teddy tries giving in to the strong urge to reach his hand up and caress Billy's cheek, to lean his head up and kiss him in return. But raising up either of them is a chore, so he settles for just smiling instead. It's weak and weary, but still a genuine one all the same, and full of love.]

... We did good, okay? I'm proud of you. Of us, too.

[Though it's hard to raise his hand up, he can slide it over to hold onto the hem of Billy's shirt, wanting to return the contact in some way, and to ensure that Billy does stay nearby rather than go off alone.

Then he shuts his eyes, and sleep comes to him almost immediately.]

[Billy doesn't answer, merely rests a hand over Teddy's and brushes back his hair, cradling him close as he falls asleep. The guilt's eating away at him, and the concern is ever-present, and maybe later the one will win out over the other; he'll head out, clear up the place, make sure he's safe to be around again. Check and see what's going on, if anyone else needs help, if it's finally over. Mostly make sure he's safe.

Right now, though? Right now he'll stay like he promised. The worry's won over the rest, and he's going to watch and make sure Teddy sleeps through the night before he budges even an inch from this spot.

It's his fault that this happened; he owes Teddy far more than just this.]

[IC] Appointments Post

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