[He smiles, a mixture of wry humour and bitterness in the expression, and tilts his head to lean into Teddy's upper arm rather than his shoulder, better to meet his eyes. Sarcasm and talk like that isn't going to help anyone, he knows. It's just been hard to feel any of those things.
After a moment passes his gaze drops again, intimidated by Teddy's support, in a way.]
Okay, okay. Um... I've got incentive, I guess. I mean, I've... gotten used to the idea that just letting my magic sit around in my own head is going to eventually do more harm than good. And I've... helped people with magic before. Interest... I was curious, I know. To see if this helped. To see if this could help us go back to how things were before. If... I could still do this.
[If you were really okay with it.
He sighs faintly, closing his eyes.]
So... desire, with a capital D. That's a tough one. I... wanted to do this, I wanted to try it out again. I missed... experiencing this stuff with you. I missed being on your team. But I'm still scared. I'm scared that- that wanting it will mess me up again, that I'll just- go bad again, that whatever twisted my magic up inside will come back. I'd rather be useless than a monster...
[Action, May 6th]
[He smiles, a mixture of wry humour and bitterness in the expression, and tilts his head to lean into Teddy's upper arm rather than his shoulder, better to meet his eyes. Sarcasm and talk like that isn't going to help anyone, he knows. It's just been hard to feel any of those things.
After a moment passes his gaze drops again, intimidated by Teddy's support, in a way.]
Okay, okay. Um... I've got incentive, I guess. I mean, I've... gotten used to the idea that just letting my magic sit around in my own head is going to eventually do more harm than good. And I've... helped people with magic before. Interest... I was curious, I know. To see if this helped. To see if this could help us go back to how things were before. If... I could still do this.
[If you were really okay with it.
He sighs faintly, closing his eyes.]
So... desire, with a capital D. That's a tough one. I... wanted to do this, I wanted to try it out again. I missed... experiencing this stuff with you. I missed being on your team. But I'm still scared. I'm scared that- that wanting it will mess me up again, that I'll just- go bad again, that whatever twisted my magic up inside will come back. I'd rather be useless than a monster...