selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[Billy watches Teddy silently for a long moment, mulling over those words, and the body language that accompanies it. The way he'd fidgeted, the way he can't look at Billy, the quietness of his voice...

He's not okay. Not yet.

He feels a twinge of guilt again, familiar and stinging; he'd rushed things, so anxious and eager to be normal, that instead of being the one to drag them back, he'd pulled ahead too fast and left Teddy behind. That's not how one should behave in a team.

Nothing to do but go back now, though, so... decision made, he steps forward, closing the distance between them and crawling up on the bed, touching Teddy's shoulder, letting his hand slide across his back soothingly.]

Teddy...

[He ducks his head to bump it against Teddy's arm, free hand shifting to wind his fingers around the blond's.]

We can stay here for a while, if you'd prefer...

Yep. We checked there, but she was probably in Doom's castle.

[Teddy shuts his eyes, soaking in Billy's touch and the affection he's receiving. Billy isn't afraid to touch him, like he was just a few weeks ago. It's always been though physical and visual action that Teddy trusted these things the most, not so much spoken words - the latter was more like icing on the cake, really.

Here Billy is, touching him without hesitation, soothing and comforting, willing to go back to Teddy's level. Teddy, meanwhile, is just a step behind, reaching out and wishing desperately for his feet to move...

With every touch, with every reassurance, it feels like his feet are getting lighter. He could lie and say that everything's fine, that they can go right now... But the truth is that he just needs a few more minutes. A few more minutes of Billy touching him like this, giving him the confidence he needs and the knowledge that he's good enough to be touched, and he'll be ready enough to at least take Billy's hand and follow behind him, rather than stand there with his feet frozen to the ground.]

... Just a little while. I'll be ready to go, I promise. I just need a few minutes.

[In the meantime, he drifts back, leaning against Billy's touches.

Just a little while - with you, like this.]

[ Heh.

Billy was pretty sheltered. That might've been what he really liked about him - maybe that, and the envy that he had for him and all he had. Billy had the cool reality bending powers, Billy had the loving family, Billy had the stable relationship - to Tommy it seemed that finding Wanda, to Billy, was just a matter of seeing if a fantasy was true or not. Just... some idiot kid that needed protecting, partly from the world but mostly from himself.

That's why he was the big brother. The one always getting in the way, the one who'd done bad and could still do worse. Tommy was no stranger to what his past could lead up to - super villainy was written all over him, in his criminal past and in his less than morally upstanding ideas. Billy was the golden child, he was the hero, and... Tommy was okay with that.

As long as he wanted to keep being a hero.

They'd never really used the "f" word, though. Brothers, yeah - brothers was kind of noncommital. Calling the Young Avengers a family was the same thing, but brother to brother?

Tommy shrugs a little, disguising any embarrassment or otherwise unwanted feelings with a lopsided smirk. ]

I don't think I can ditch you at this point, so yeah... That's what we are.

[Billy makes a soft, affirmative noise, shifting back a bit to sit behind Teddy. He winds both arms around Teddy's shoulders, hugging him that way, with his chin resting in between his own arm and Teddy's neck. His hands move up and down the blond's arms, his lips pepper the now-exposed neck with gentle kisses. Anything that he thinks - hopes - might soothe Teddy's worries.

You're perfect. You're beautiful. Don't doubt yourself. Don't doubt me.

I want this.]

[Dryly:] Next, we can test your self control by my tickling you whilst you hold your breath.

[Equally ridiculous in his opinion.

He waves a hand toward the board.]

Had fun with Thor so far?

[The kisses to his neck make Teddy tilt his head back, eyes still shut, encouraging the touches even as he feels the hairs on his neck and arms rise, feels goosebumps show up on his skin. He can chalk it up to being cold, even if it's hard for him to be that way, rather than the shred of discomfort still inside him. He's not tensing, and he doesn't feel like pulling himself away or making Billy stop. He is getting better, and the knowledge makes him so relieved. It won't be long until he can fully, completely enjoy kisses like that.

They're pleasurable all the same, and the hands stroking up and down his arms add on to it. And all the attention makes him feel - better, too. Billy likes this. There's no hesitation in his movements, and he's touching and kissing him with appreciation, love and affection. Billy likes what he's seeing, and he's showing it with every stroke and brush of the lips.

It isn't long until Teddy starts to feel himself relax, bit by bit. Truth be told, he'd like to stay just so that they don't have to move, and they can stay and keep showing their love like this, the world narrowed down to whatever they do under the covers.

But Teddy had promised, and soaking in the springs does sound enjoyable...]

[It's a little nerve-wracking, doing this with Teddy not responding the way he usually might. It isn't an outright negative response, though, so... Billy hopes that he's doing okay. He'll stop in a heartbeat if Teddy asks him to, but until that happens, he'll just have to trust that Teddy will be honest about what he wants.

Lifting up, he buries his face in Teddy's hair, nuzzling it affectionately, loving the way it softly tickles his nose and falls perfectly back into place as he pulls away. A thought occurs to him, almost fleeting, but he ponders it for a moment before pressing a gentle kiss to the nape of Teddy's neck, trailing a line up into his hair.]

God, your hair's soft... I love it, you know? From the moment I saw you, the real you, all I could think about was how I'd get my hands in it without you thinking I was weird...

[He shakes his head, still struggling in figuring out what he wants from this.]

Just... just never do that again!

[Teddy's hands have found their way to Billy's arms by the time he hears him speak again, and though he'd like to tilt his head up to look at him, it's a little hard when he's pressing kisses in his hair, considering how nice it feels. So instead, he raises an eyebrow as he glances down at Billy's arm.]

Ha... Don't tell me that's all you thought about. [Despite his words, he can feel a bit of heat in his cheeks; one of the things on his list had been his hair, because blond is such an ordinary color, it's so shaggy, and it can be messy when it wants to be. He'd never really thought of it as "soft"...]

Oh, trust me, it was the first of many little obsessions.

[He reaches the center-back of Teddy's head, then tilts his head to work sideways instead of up, kissing his way to one of Teddy's ears. He nudges his nose against an earring, then gently nibbles it and the flesh around it.]

I thought about these, too... the way they catch in the light definitely caught my attention. I kept thinking, how brave a guy must you be to get that many piercings?

[My earrings? I have too many, even with just three in each ear. I know I got people looking at me weird after I got them pierced.]

Less brave, more classic teenage rebellion.

[It was more than that, though, much more. It was just after Nate gathered them all together for the first time, although Teddy's mind was somewhere else entirely at the time. It had been just after he cut all ties with Greg and probably secured the fact that "FREAK" would be scrawled across is locker, knowing how easily kids lapped up gossip - especially from the star jocks and cheerleaders. He'd been thinking of his place in life, only barely listening to the introductions and wondering if any of this was for real. He'd started to pay attention in the end, becoming more invested in who these guys were, what Nate was talking about, and how a whole new change in his life about to happen even if their legs were being pulled. A life away from Greg, away from tarnishing the hero name and maybe, maybe, using his powers for good...

It was time for a change. A drastic one. One that made his mom freak out a little when he came home with rows of earrings pierced into his ears. But one that made him feel so happy, so free, because it was the first decision he'd made regarding his appearance for himself.]

What makes you think the two are mutually exclusive?

[Billy knows the story; he'd asked a long time ago, intrigued and clueless of the heavy burden of history attached to the question. The separation from Greg, the risk that must have been, to strike out on his own as an individual rather than a used-and-abused prop so some asshole can get ahead in life. He'd been lucky enough that the Young Avengers were there to support him afterwards, but it's not like Teddy had known that. He'd done it all on his own.]

It takes courage to rebel against expectations. And... it takes a lot of courage to start on the path to being yourself, the person you want to be. So don't sell yourself short, okay?

Mmm... [He nods, and he does understand, and the words do cause a bit of weight to be lifted from his shoulders. It's just a little hard to say anything too good about himself, like it's too... egotistical. And not true, his ever present whispers of thoughts want to say.

With the whisper on the edge of his mind, Teddy drags a finger along his ear, the one that isn't occupied by Billy.]

You don't think they're too much? Too flashy, or too... I don't know. Whatever makes little old ladies stare at me like I'm a heathen?

...Teddy, are you listening?

[Billy leans over, pressing a kiss to Teddy's earlobe, then directly below it, brushing against his jaw.]

It doesn't matter what I think. Me, or the little old ladies, or anyone. What matters is what you think. What you like. If you think they're too much, then get rid of them. But if you like them, then don't. Change them around until you're comfortable. Whatever you decide to do - or feel, or be - I'll support you. And I'll love you.

[He presses in closer, sliding a hand around to turn Teddy's face so they can face each other, even if only peripherally.]

I promise.

[... It's the first time Teddy realized that the little whispers of you're not good enough aren't his own voice. They're similar, but not him. They're people he knew before he changed himself for the better, high schoolers who loved hanging with him just because he made them look good, nothing more than a piece of jewelry, and him thinking that this was all there was to life. They're the boys on his basketball team, the girls who walked with him and paid a bit too much attention to him. They're everyone but him... except that one voice that wonders why he's even listening to the others when there are so many who love him for everything that he is, not everything that he isn't.

Billy is one of them, one of the first. And Teddy hates himself for doubting that, still hates himself for feeling so self-conscious around him when he didn't used to just a couple months ago. Billy doesn't have a certain image he wants Teddy to fulfill; he never had any images for anyone. Teddy could choose to be Hulkling as his real form and Billy would love him just as much. It's still so hard to wrap his mind around, a mind that had - and has - been obsessed with appearances for years.

Teddy tips his head just slightly, enough for their temples to touch together, and he lets out a soft sigh as he shuts his eyes. He feels shaken, and he's not sure if it's in a good or bad way. Maybe both. Billy's always been able to rock him to the core in all sorts of ways.]

I know... I know. I'm sorry, I know you said all this before. I know this... thing I have is...

[It's so annoying. You should just stop. Get over it.]

I know what it is.

[Billy's voice is faint, arms squeezing Teddy just a bit more tightly, pressing close against him, his eyes clenched.

It's my fault.

I brought these thoughts back, I made you start to doubt yourself again.

And it hurts, knowing the damage he'd done. But it's also a harsh reminder of the fact that it's his responsibility to repair that damage. No matter what or how long it takes, he'll do it. It's what Teddy needs.]

But I know that... it'll take some time to really get over it again. Isn't that what you've been telling me all along, when it comes to dealing with my problems? That it takes time? But also- ...also...

[He shifts again, this time to press his lips softly and briefly on Teddy's.]

...We'll figure it out as a team. We'll get through this. And I'll support you as long as it takes, just like you've been supporting me...

[A part of Teddy wants to argue against that, say this is something that he'll likely never get over, not when it's been an ugly presence in his head for so long. Billy should just stop trying.

Yet not only would that be incredibly hypocritical on his part, but he knows that isn't true. He was better - or, at least, better than he used to be. He did think he looked good, and he was proud of himself. He hadn't realized just how shaky that new foundation he was on could be, and how easily it shattered and brought him right back to the safer, yet darker place.

It was Billy who helped him out the first time, and... unfortunately, in a way, he was also the one that sent Teddy back to it. Doesn't it stand to reason that Billy can pull him out a second time, even if it might be harder? That he'd love and support him and be as dedicated to him as much as Teddy is to Billy?]

... Okay.

[He turns enough to face him, moving both hands up to hold Billy's face in them.]

Okay.

[He accompanies that with a gentle kiss on his lips, then brushes their noses together before he leans back, a little smile on his face.]

We'll figure it out. I'll help you and you'll help me with everything that's pushing us down. We'll work through this as a team. It's not going to be easy for either of us, but...

[With another soft kiss to his lips:] You're worth it. We're worth it.

[At Teddy's words, Billy finally lets himself fully relax, a wide, relieved smile crossing his lips as he leans into the touch. It's not perfect - they're not perfect - but isn't that the point? Perfection was what Teddy feared that he wanted, after all. What that deeply-ingrained madness had made him believe. Perfection isn't what's important.

What matters - the only thing that matters - is that they have each other, that they aren't giving up. That they won't let this thing defeat them.]

Yeah... yeah, we are. And we can do this.

[He gives Teddy another nuzzle, and then another kiss, and finally just hugs him, pulling him close for a long embrace. Who needs perfection, when they have this?]

Mmm.

[Teddy might not be completely optimistic, but as long as they believe in each other, they can do anything. So he shuts his eyes and settles in the moment, arms around Billy and holding him close, like he's his most important treasure. No matter what the future holds for them, they've got this moment right here. Everything is right. Not perfect, but... that's what makes it so right.

Teddy is so tired of trying to be perfect for someone else. Even if the alternative is... well, him. If Billy loves him... that's enough for him. More than enough.]

[Billy holds him like that for a while, as long as he can, but before too much time can pass, he does notice that he's kind of in his underwear in a room without heat in the middle of November, and even with the hot springs just outside, there isn't enough warmth filtering through to combat the air on his bare skin. He shivers and huddles closer to Teddy for warmth as much as comfort now, his voice a bit sheepish against Teddy's hair.]

So, um... how do you feel about getting in the water now? Or should I get my clothes back on? Either's fine, but I'd hate to ruin the week by getting hypothermia on the first day.

[Teddy opens his eyes just as he holds Billy a little closer, thinking about which one to go with. It'd be nice to soak in the water for a while, and he remembers how nice it felt. But the thought of going there with just his underwear, or without... nngh. He still wasn't wholly comfortable with that, even if it's easier now that he and Billy talked.

Still, he can't avoid it forever. There wouldn't be any fun for that, for him or for Billy. So Teddy rubs Billy's back and shoulders as he leans back, a lopsided smile on his face as he moves his hands down to unbutton his jeans. Maybe Billy will enjoy that, what with Teddy watching him strip down to his underwear.]

I think I'm ready to go. Hypothermia's probably the worst anniversary gift ever, anyway.

[Billy's gaze drifts downwards as Teddy starts working at his pants. He would enjoy the show, yes - is already doing so - but he can't help but worry whether or not Teddy's really okay. Whether it's intuition or just dumb luck that the thought came to mind, he has to be sure.]

Would... you rather go in with suits and tees? I was kind of teasing about the naked bit, if you're not comfortable with it...

Nah, I'm cool with it.

[It'd be easy to leave it at that, say that he's okay and go on. But...

But.

He pauses just as he unzips his pants, eyes downward and not looking at Billy, and just... moves in to lean his temple against Billy's cheek, though he still tries to shuffle out of the pants as much as he can while sitting down. It's a little awkward, he has to admit.]

Even if I'm not comfortable, I want to. I'm never going to get comfortable if I don't.

[It's quiet, as if he has a hard time admitting it. Just a year or two ago, he wouldn't have admitted that much. But with everything they've gone through now...]

[Billy makes a faint "hmm" sound in return, considering that. Then, calmly, he reaches out to brush his hand over Teddy's bare chest, sliding it down towards his stomach, then lower to the edge of the pants he's trying to wiggle out of.]

...Can I help?

[IC] Appointments Post

[Action, November 22nd]

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