selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

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[action],
[voice]

[IC] Appointments Post

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[Action, January 1st]

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[A start. A start for what? The idea of more, is... exhausting. But he knows his job isn't finished. The job of making amends... might never be.

He just wishes he knew where to start.]

...So what's next...?

[She's rendered him speechless, which is a little amusing in itself, because she's pretty sure she's never seen him at a loss for words in all the time she's known him. She reaches out, ruffling his hair lightly with gentle affection.]

So. Now that you're awake, is there anything I can get you? Being stuck in the clinic is never fun.

[Does he, though? Does he still? It seems like it, sure, but Billy can't think of a reason why he should.]

You... can love someone, and not trust them. Especially if they've hurt you... ignored you, or... replaced you...

[He knows that... that's a big part of what's worrying Teddy now. He wishes they could talk about it. Wishes he had the sense to really explain things properly. But his head is such a mess that he's sure that he'd just make things worse.]

[Billy hesitates, there. He's so used to apologizing that he's kind of lost track.]

What... do you want me to be sorry for?

[Did he really just- Now he feels really mad.]

That's - that's not the point at all! But hey, if you're taking requests for apologies, I'm sure I can whip a laundry list from my entire life!

That's true. I think, in time, you'll know it isn't true for you or Teddy, though.

[Billy has hit on the issue. He knows. For the hundredth time she wonders if there isn't some way to get them thinking at each other, instead of keeping it all inside until the wave finally broke (Teddy) or the ice grew thick enough (Billy).]

Do you think he's replaceable?

[Though it's a very heavy question, she keeps her tone light and soft, conversational.]

[He barely registers the hair ruffle, lips pursing. He’s not really sure what he needs, besides… a working mental state, maybe. And that’s not something he can have handed to him at will.]

It’s not… supposed to be fun. But Teddy’s looking after me.

...Go ahead, if... that's how you feel. I'll listen.

[It's not the worst he's heard since he woke up.]

No!

[It's sudden, abrupt, and the loudest he's been yet- but it's also brief, as he shrinks back down almost immediately, his voice hushed and tinged with panic.]

No, no, no, no, no, not ever, he's not... not ever...

Well. It's like I said before, right? It's tough enough keeping up two identities in a village this size without dealing with overlap. It's just easier this way. And... you're a superhero too, so I can trust you won't just blab my secret everywhere.

[Even despite the whole magical-mind-takeover that happened, she still trusts him more than a lot of other people in the village. But she's no going to just say that outright.]

...and besides. I'd much rather have someone like you know than someone like Beardface, who found out on accident.

I know. [A reaction to his outburst, it's a little louder and harsher than she intends at first, too. She even half-stands, forgetting that there is a table between them.]

I know you wouldn't. People aren't replaceable, Teddy isn't.

We take it one day at a time?

[It ad worked for her. Sort of. She had finished high school and started college, moved out of her dad's place and tried living a "normal" life. But normal became seriously overrated, didn't it? Whether she liked it or not, she's a superhero through and through.

But the suggestion still sounds better than any other she can think of right now.]

And don't you dare try to handle this on your own.

["You're a superhero."

To hear that, after what he'd just done? It's kind of mind-blowing. And it's nice, even if he doesn't believe it anymore.]

Well... thanks, I guess. For trusting me with it. I won't tell anyone.

[She gets a very small smile at that. It's actually kind of laughable, the idea that he could.]

I... don't think I could do anything on my own, at this point. I can't even get out of bed without help...

[He grimaces, merely nodding in response. It's okay. It's okay. She understands.]

I'm sorry I upset you.

[She didn't mean to and it isn't good for him.]

It's... not your fault. Not much doesn't upset me these days.

[He quirks a tiny, bittersweet smile.]

I'm kind of a pathetic mess right now, if you haven't noticed.

I know. He's been here the entire time, pretty much. He's been worried about you.

[She hadn't necessarily meant her words to be taken in any kind of humorous way. A part of Kate remains worried that he will try to handle the outfall of the reality change on his own. It'd be a Billy Kaplan thing to do.

God, weren't they are too stupidly stubborn when it came to owning up to their faults? Maybe it was for the best that the team broke up.

Quietly,] You're not going to be in this bed forever.

If you were perfectly collected and calm, I would be far more worried about you.

[She gets up, then, moving to his side of the table and sitting down beside him, on his good side. She's slow about it, and reaches gently for his hand in the hope that he will let her take it.]

You've really been through a lot, Billy. It's okay to give yourself time.

...Yeah.

[He wishes he could feel good about that. He feels very loved, yes, but... guilty. Sick, a bit. Mostly just guilty.]

[He sobers again at that, his fingers sneaking down to twist in the blankets again.]

...I know.

[It's what he's afraid of, in a way. When he gets up... when he gets better... he'll have to face everyone. He'll have to face what he did.]

[Time... he feels like all he has is time, these days. Time to sit, and think, and brood, and fret, and waste away. Time to lose himself in whatever mess his mind's become, time to hurt Teddy again and again without even meaning to.

Time to... be anyone but himself, really.]

...How long... is too long, do you think?

[How long until he decides that I'm not coming back?]

I don't believe there is a 'too long'.

[Sometimes, people gave up - on others, on themselves, on any chance they might have had to leave a bad situation behind. Mia might lose her path sometimes, but she doesn't believe in that kind of hopelessness catching any real hold.]

If it doesn't go away on its own, or you stop getting better, then we would consider what options there were to help you start again. As many times as it took. But I don't think it will come to that.

[Well, he doesn't sound nearly as enthused as she'd hope. She can't really blame him. How many days did she spend curled up in her bed after that night? There's a safety in staying hidden from the world. But it's not her.

And she doubts that it's very Billy, either.]

I'm probably going to start sounding like a broken record soon enough, but? You won't be alone.

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[IC] Appointments Post

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