selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

Sorry, sorry, you're right. I'm just a natural worrier. Sometimes I wonder how Kree or Skrull lifespans match up with humans.

Well, you are in a rather different situation than I in that regard as well. [Because when Billy goes home, presumably it will be to Teddy. When Loki goes home well... it'll just be prison and a return to his long-term game.

He no longer finds the prospect quite as thrilling as it once was. Maybe he's had too many people force him to explain just why he wants to rule Asgard.]

Mm... that's true. Though universe-hopping is definitely possible, so at least it's not hopeless, right?

There is that, I suppose.

[Though presumably if they go back to their respective worlds, they'll both be a bit busy and quite possibly dead at the end of it. That's a cheerful thought.]

...So will you tell me when you tell her? I want all the shippy gossip I can get.

I'd planned to after we were finished here, actually.

[Sideeye.]

...shippy?

[He swears you people make this stuff up just to confuse him.]

Oh god, I don't even know how to explain it. It's pointlessly geeky Earth terminology, ignore me.

...I am excited, though. That you're telling her. Best of luck.

Another of your made up words. Right.

[He laughs.] One would hope I shan't need luck. But my thanks.

[Teddy had decided to give everyone a couple of days to figure out how to expel the spirits from the possessed individuals before doing something himself. Near evening of the first, he'd looked over discussions, looked outside, and saw everyone still puzzling. Nothing new happened, although further conversation had been made. There wasn't a cure yet, no solution, nothing to try.

Nothing for everyone else, anyway. He had an idea, though it made the spirit within him restless. Part of the reason she possessed him was to keep him safe, after all, and this could be deadly.

Teddy himself isn't thinking of danger or caution or anything. He thinks this will work, it has to work. If they don't expel the spirits, particularly Twila soon, then there might be some killing going on. And he can't allow that to happen, especially not to Billy.

The second day is here, and Teddy is going through with what he planned.

He's with Billy now, watching whatever he does, and is quiet for a long moment. With a long sigh, he finally speaks up.]

Billy?

[Over the last several days, he'd gotten tired of discussing the issue without actually making progress, and since the urge to sap Teddy's energy doesn't seem to be as prevalent anymore, he's been less cautious about keeping close. He hasn't said as much, but his attitude is telling: to him, Twila's not going anywhere any time soon, so why stress overmuch? As long as she's not causing problems, its presence is relatively harmless. He's starting to wonder if Teddy isn't just paranoid.

When Teddy speaks up Billy's actually indulgently curled against him, knees tucked in, head on the blond's shoulder, one hand on the book he's reading and the other up behind his head, toying with Teddy's hair. During the past five or ten minutes he's been slowly inching himself over, his ultimate goal being to situate himself in Teddy's lap properly, but Teddy's voice stirs him out of his reverie, though his eyes are still on the book.]

Mm...?

[Teddy had noticed Billy trying to recreate the act of osmosis with him, and though he'd usually move away, he doesn't this time. This is part of his plan too, for Billy to be this close to him. Nothing too draining has happened yet, but he has a feeling that's about to change.

Nala stirs restlessly from within, but he ignores it. Instead, he moves his hand down to lift the book away, taking Billy's attention away from it.]

You do still want Twila out of you, right? And tell me as Billy, not Twila. You're the one who called her a sociopath. Do you really want that still possessing you?

Edited 2013-06-04 06:28 (UTC)

[It takes a moment and a bit of resistance, but Billy lets go of the book, tilting his head back to give Teddy a disgruntled look.]

What're you talking about? You know I do, we just don't have a cure yet. And what do you mean, as Billy? He doesn't speak for me.

[He sounds defensive, offended almost, with a sliver of uncertainty. Just what is Teddy saying...?]

And if we don't have a cure, they could start killing people. And here we are sitting here, reading books... doing what we shouldn't be doing.

[Teddy sets the book aside, then rests his arm over Billy's shoulder lightly for now, yet ready to tighten.]

I don't want to wait until the Malnosso get too impatient. I don't want Nala to make me heal too much. I don't want Twila to make you think all of this is okay. I won't let her - him do that, Billy.

[Billy falls silent for a long moment, Teddy's expression forcing him to look away. He doesn't move, but it seems like he withdraws nonetheless, the natural shadows around them from the light in the apartment darkening, his body getting a little colder. He feels cornered, accused, uncomfortable.

He's just trying to help.

So why do I feel threatened?]

If you've got any ideas, I'm all ears.

I do, actually.

[Now, his arm tightens around Billy's shoulders, and he shifts to face him better. Normally, he'd never hold him so tightly that Billy couldn't escape, but he's doing so now. Better to keep him here and actually go through with this plan than to have him get away and not have another chance at this.

Just one chance, that's all he has.]

I need you to work with me, Billy. Help me be the team that we always have been. I told you we'd fix this... so let's fix this.

[He lets out another sigh, then reaches his free hand to stroke his fingers lightly against Billy's cheek.]

Twila. I'm not going to stop until you get out of him, okay? Or... until you're done with me.

[Then he places his hand fully against Billy's cheek, making him turn his head until he's facing Teddy again, and -

And Teddy smiles, and it's warm and loving and open.]

I love you, Billy.

So help me.

[And with that, he leans in to kiss him. Parts his lips, kissing him like he's been wanting to for so long now, the perfect way to draw energy out.

In fact, he feels it happening already. He wants to draw back so badly, and he knows that's Nala, knows that the both of them -

But he holds on still.]

[At first, Billy feels angry, his body tense, the darkness flaring around his wings, creating an invisible bubble of cold around their bodies as if to drive Teddy away. While only moments before he'd wanted to be close for comfort and self-indulgence, now he's distressed and upset, and it only increases when he tries to draw back and finds himself immobile. Teddy never holds him like this. He's never used this strength against him. It's not fair, it's not right, he needs to let go right now...!

And suddenly, unexpectedly, Teddy's kissing him, and the contact is like a catalyst. The restraint had pulled taut something inside Billy that he feels snap abruptly, and he shudders, the tension draining from his shoulders, relaxing into the embrace for a moment. It's fine, it's fine. Teddy's finally letting him do what he really wants to do, what he's needed since that first morning he'd woken up with these wings. He'll take this comfort and love and it's fine...]

[But is it really fine?

Teddy can feel his energy draining by the second. He didn't have much left thanks to Nala making him heal everything he could see, which was why he planted himself on the couch in the first place, and now the last of it is being drained. He doesn't know what will happen once it's all gone - would this kill him?

He's not thinking that far ahead, though. He's freezing, and the hand against Billy's cheek trembles both from that and the lack of energy he's feeling. His limbs hurt, his very core hurts, and Nala's panic is making his wings turn even whiter than before, as white as Billy's wings are dark. She's trying to fully take him over.

But he presses himself further into the kiss, frowns, and pushes the spirit away as much as he can. He needs to do this, no matter the outcome.]

[Everything is bliss for what feels like an eternity, and a part of Billy just wants to sink into it, let the darkness take him and Teddy away, because it feels so good. It's cold, yes, colder still as he lifts a hand to wrap around Teddy's at his cheek, holding it in place, but he likes it that way. He feels at home. Like the embrace of a loved one.

....

...a loved one...

Teddy's not supposed to be cold.

It's a flicker of clarity, a memory- no, a realization of how things were before, how things are supposed to be. Cuddling up during chilly winter mornings so recently past, one body finding another only inches away and drawing so close that it's as if their skin melds together. Sleepy smiles under the covers. And something else, sweet and secret and sensual, a rush of energy and sweat and it's warm, all of it's warm. The opposite of what he feels right now.

Cold is awful; he's never liked it. He's always cold, his dad used to say he has his mother's feet, but they'd always fit so perfectly under Teddy during their cuddles, who put up with it with minimal complaints, who wrapped an arm around him and held him close until he didn't feel like such a reptile anymore, who kissed his cheek and smiled at his griping and- and he-

he's so cold

The realization is piercing now, almost violently so, and with a gasp he breaks the kiss, yanking his hand down to try and pull Teddy away from his cheek, tilting his head so his lips are mere fractions of an inch away from skin. He's trembling now, the shadows flaring and receding every few seconds, and when he speaks, his voice is faint and tremulous.]

Teddy... Teddy stop... you have to stop, I can't...

[When Billy breaks the kiss, Teddy keeps his eyes shut while he takes in deep breaths, as if he can't get enough air. And he keeps shivering - Teddy's never minded the cold so much, seeing how Billy's told him several times that he's like some kind of warm-blooded furnace. Which just makes cuddling with Billy all the better, heat and cold becoming warm, something intimate and something precious.

This is a different kind of cold. It's right down to his bones, making him feel stiff, like darkness itself is covering him. There's some warmth left; it's Nala, right there in the cavity of his chest and in the base of his wings, shining and radiant with her own energy. His wings are spread, Nala's doing, and his shoulders are set with the effort it takes to fight her, to resist the incredibly powerful urge to flap his wings down just once, just enough to take him away from this, from the chill, from Billy.

But he clings onto the memories they have, of them lying entwined together without a care in the world, looking into each other's eyes and getting lost within earth and sky without fearing the other getting closer. Hands entwining without thinking that they should stop soon. Kissing, holding each other and making love without thinking that it's the worst idea in the world.

It's what makes him keep holding on, and it's what makes him take a deep breath, lift his head and open his eyes.]

Billy... you can. You - You can do this. We can.

[And though right now it feels like the last thing in the world he wants to do, Teddy leans in again and places his lips over Billy's once more, dives right into that cold darkness, because he's a stupid teenage boy who's desperately in love.

And love is worth fighting for.]

Mm... mmmf....!

[Billy's response is graceless this time, frantic and desperate, trying to move away from Teddy, but he's still locked in an iron grip, and his struggles aren't getting him anywhere. He knows he's being energized by this, the darkness fueled by what he's taking from Teddy, and there's still that whisper, gentle and soothing and commanding, that it's fine, they're fine, but this is what they need right now, what he needs...

His slight tremble has graduated to full-blown shaking now, and it's only when he's drawn enough strength from Teddy that he manages to force them apart again. This time his eyes are wet, tears trailing down his cheeks, and there's a desperate, terrified plea in his voice, almost hysterical, that he can't hide.]

Stop... stop, please... please, Teddy... don't let me do this... god, please stop it...

[He can feel the push, both inward from Twila and outward from Teddy's body, and he ducks his head, burying his face against Teddy's chest in an attempt to keep them from kissing again. Fine, it says. It's fine. It's fine and Teddy believes in him and

he can't

he has to

it's not fine

IT'S NOT FINE, WE'RE KILLING HIM

Twila pushes, and for the first time he really pushes back.]

[The kiss breaks again, and this time, Teddy doesn't have the will nor the strength to try again. He's so tired, and all he wants to do is just... fall back and let go and sleep.

But he's so close... Billy is so close. And he can't - he won't give up until Twila's let go of Billy. Even if it breaks him from the inside and out, so be it, if it means that it lets go of Billy. If it means saving him...

"Love is worth fighting for. Such devotion... surely, I..."

Teddy keeps his eyes shut again, his whole body feeling unsteady due to the world feeling like it's spinning out from under him. But he keeps enough of a hold on himself enough to lower his head, pressing his lips to the back of Billy's head, and move his arms, which feel like they weigh a ton, and wrap them around his lover until he's holding him close.]

You got this... [He murmurs it against his hair, just a whisper and soft brushes of his lips. He's not sure if he can be louder than that.]

[Billy shudders, his shoulders shaking from sobs muffled against Teddy's shirt, fingers clenching in the material. He doesn't want this. He doesn't want it anymore, this darkness, these shadows, the wall of danger between them that causes this- this pain every time they kiss or get too close. He doesn't want quiet little whispers in his head that he's not sure are his or someone else's. He doesn't want to be one half of a person anymore.

He wants... no, what he needs... is for Teddy to be safe. He needs whatever is wrong with him to be fixed.

And then it hits him- what hasn't worked, this whole time, what can work if not met by resistance... resistance caused by him, not Twila, all along.

He needs to be fixed. To be healed. The one thing his magic has never been allowed to do, for whatever deeply rooted, screwed up mental block that he'd probably need a dozen therapists to fully understand. He can't do it alone, and in the state he's in, neither can Teddy.

Let's fix this.

We're a team.

We can do it.]

No... no.

[No more. No more of this. He's done hurting the one he loves.]

We got this.

[He closes his eyes, reaching deep inside himself for that pool of calm, the one he'd learned to develop with all those self-help books, back at the beginning sitting across from Teddy, holding hands and willing for the world to change for him. He reaches, and he relaxes, and he breathes, and he stops. He stops it all: the spread of darkness, the draining energy, the whispering.

He opens his eyes and there's a burst of blue light, starting at his eyes, then his hands, slowly spreading over his body like a wildfire until it's created a magical net around him, surrounding the shadows and holding it in. It coats the wings, flaring strongest of all there, biting at the black feathers like the snapping jaws of a wild animal. He chants, quietly at first and gradually growing louder as his confidence and control rises.]

"IwantittogobackIwantittogobackIwantittogobackIwantittogobackIwantittogoback..."

[For a long moment there's nothing, darkness and defiance and one last-ditch effort at convincing him to go back to taking, taking, taking it all. When once it was so difficult to ignore, with Teddy's hands in his, it takes little more than a mental shrug to resist the voice and let the magic gently spread to Teddy's hands, snaking up his arm and arcing across his chest to center over his heart. It starts out slowly, gradually gaining momentum: a magical IV line of energy, the strength that he'd let Twila steal for him. Giving it back, so Teddy has the strength to help him drive it out.

They'll do this together; he wouldn't want it any other way.]

[At first, Teddy can barely hear a word, can barely feel Billy's touch in his hands, what with the world seeming far away right now in a tangled foggy web. He's the one who jumped into that web, and though he tries desperately to push back through it, he can't right now. He leans hard against Billy, hands limp in the other's, and nearly loses his grip on everything right there.

But there's a bright light beneath his lids, and then he feels blessed warmth spread up his arms and to his chest. It's like his own blood is coming back to life, flowing once again and pushing away the biting cold. And from within that foggy haze in his head, a familiar wisp of blue reaches out to him, and when he can't reach out for it, it takes his hand instead and guides him back.

We got this.

His head lifts up again, and his hands grip Billy's once before shifting, moving until they're entwined with Billy's fingers instead. He knows exactly what to do. And he's tired of waiting for Billy to do this himself, when the answer all along wasn't to keep encouraging him to push it out himself, but to take his hands and help.

He lowers his head to press his forehead against Billy's, a little smile on his face as he feels Nala stir within him again. She spreads through his body and lights up his hands with a glow of their own, matching Billy's blue light, and for once, Teddy doesn't try to fight it. He uses her strength, just as he's using Billy's strength, and his own.]

We want it to go back. We want it to go back, wewantittogobackwewantittogobackwewantittogoback...

[Teddy has no power of will like Billy. But they have each other, their own power which they both rely on, both compliment, both support and give and take and love. He has this.]

[With his eyes ablaze and lost in the magic, Billy can't see exactly what's going on, but he can feel it; Teddy's hands entwined with his, their foreheads touching, and above all, the flow of energy, the likes of which he's never experienced before. His chant shifts, speaking in sync with Teddy now, and the glow gently intensifies, more of Twila's dark energy flowing into his boyfriend, being purified by Nala's healing, flowing back into Billy. It's a perfect cycle, he thinks musingly, a yin yang of power, a connection that goes far deeper than just what they can see in front of them. It's a connection of the heart, his to Teddy's, and it's working.

He can feel Twila's grasp on him slipping, and he gives Teddy's hand a gentle squeeze to convey it. His hands are warming up, his back straightening, the flow of magic and energy speeding up as Twila's resistance fades more and more. They're so close...]

[IC] Appointments Post

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