selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[He can smell your fear, Billy.]

Ah... no. If you are truly too intimidated for the idea, I shall show you how to exercise him on the lunge line.

But you'd prefer a rider.

[He's assuming, anyway, by the question. He lifts a brow and gives the horse a wary, questioning look. Because hey, on one hand? An opportunity to ride an Asgardian horse.

But on the other hand... horse. Big, kinda scary, probably hard to control, big, bone-breaking leg kicks, did he mention big...

....

...but. Asgardian horse. Can't quite get over that one.]

I think Vakri would prefer to have a rider. It's the difference between running laps on a track or going for a nice run in the countryside.

[Loki smiles.] But our time is also limited. So perhaps it would be best if I should you how to use the lunge line and gave you several routines he might work on.

If you decide you like horses by the time I have returned from the draft, I shall teach you to ride then.

[The relief on Billy's face at that is pretty obvious, and he nods. His idea of riding at the moment involves maybe doing slow laps around the stable; racing through the woods makes the very idea even more terrifying.]

I think I can live with that.

All right. [The smile Loki gives Billy is not unkind. As much as he likes messing with people, he doesn't have an interest in seeing either Billy or his horse hurt.

Loki fetches the line and a bridle, and carefully goes over how to put the simple tack on Vakri, then has Billy do it to make certain he's understood everything.]

[Maybe he'll feel differently about riding when he has his magic back and can fly himself out of his (presumably) inevitable launch off the back of the horse.

He does pay close attention to how things are set up, however, again taking notes for anything he finds might be easily forgettable later. It's not like it's rocket science, but he wants to be sure he'll do it correctly.]

[Once Loki's certain Billy knows what he's doing with the tack, he leads Vakri outside and shows Billy how to run him at the end of the line. He tells Billy the commands that will signal the horse to do different gaits and other little tricks, and goes over how to do a good workout for the horse.]

I think you would be all right to learn to ride on him. He is meant to be a magician's horse.

[He gets Vakri loping in easy circles around them and is silent for a long moment. Finally, he says:]

I was very depressed, Billy.

[It's so easy to lose oneself in the graceful, loping steps of the horse that Billy almost doesn't want to let things get so serious, but once the words are out, he's glad of it. He'd been worried that Loki wouldn't talk to anyone about what happened, and while he doubts he's the first choice, at least this way he knows about it.]

We all were. After what happened, who wouldn't be?

[This would be a much easier conversation to have if Loki could focus his eyes on Vakri. Unfortunately, he has to watch Billy's face closely.]

Indeed. I would have been surprised were that not the case.

[A small shrug.]

Though I had also expected blame for the debacle would fall to me. A lifetime of experience told me that would be the case. [A slight, humorless smile.] As did the person who threatened me prior to the experiment.

[That makes Billy frown, visibly displeased. It's not an entirely unexpected discovery, but that doesn't mean he's happy to hear it.]

Who threatened you?

[Loki shrugs.] Logan, I believe he is called.

It likely matters not.

[...Ah, Logan. Yeah, he doesn't look surprised at that.]

Normally I'd say it would matter, but... Logan's just like that. Being gruff and angry is kind of his thing.

[He shrugs.]

He seemed serious. But he also has ample reason to dislike me. [He knows that Rogue told Logan. Among other things.]

Did you steal his beer? He hates that.

[He wishes he was joking, but he's pretty sure that's true. And while he does know that isn't what Loki's talking about, he doesn't know the real reason, either.]

I don't particularly care for beer either.

[Loki falls silent for a long moment again, mulling things over. But really, outside of Obi-Wan, now that Gregor is gone Billy is his closest friend. It's an odd thought.

And it feels odd to be trying to forge more of a connection. But he's in a very odd place. He's starting to feel that there is a support network around him, and he's not entirely certain what to do with it. He's fumbling in the dark.]

When we exchanged those brief notes, I was in bed. And... well, nearly hoping Logan was about and prepared to make good on his threat. I felt much as I had after I had crawled from that black hole two years ago.

[Another pause, his lips moving slightly as if he's testing things out before he says them.]

I think I might still be laying about in bed now if my lover hadn't rather stubbornly made me acknowledge that I was not alone.

Edited (Okay I swear to god I'm not editing it again. >.>) 2013-04-02 06:17 (UTC)

[That comment raises an eyebrow as well as some internal alarm bells- or, well, that's not the right phrasing for it. But it reminds him of certain hints he'd gotten in the past and, in retrospect, probably should have picked up on. 20/20 hindsight, ugh.

He hesitates, not sure if he has the right to be questioning it, but then opts to go for it- Loki is such an intentional person, very rarely are things said by accident. He wouldn't have said it if he hadn't meant to discuss the matter.]

I... didn't know you had someone.

[It's unspoken, but there's a decidedly approving note in his tone.]

[Good call, Billy. There's a very definite purpose to this, and he doesn't mean it to be ignored when he states something so baldly.

Hearing the approving tone, his shoulders relax ever so slightly, but visibly.]

I've... been very carefully keeping the matter secret. For several reasons. [He smiles crookedly.] 'Tis my natural inclination to be secretive, yes. But more that... I did not wish to be a source of trouble for my lover and that has been a true concern.

I think part of why Logan is so inclined to wish me harm is because he strongly disapproves. And... likely wrongly, but I had feared you would not approve either.

Your good opinion is important to me.

[Billy allows himself several moments for that to sink in, thinking back. Between Loki's comments just now - particularly regarding Logan - and what he'd witnessed once at the house... and those comments about eclectic taste in music...

God, he feels so blind now, not to have seen it before.]

It's Rogue, isn't it.

[He's careful to keep his voice neutral, wanting confirmation before he sorts out how he feels about this. But with all the puzzle pieces falling into place, just saying it aloud seems like a confirmation all on its own.

And how he feels about it is... well, as usual, complicated.]

Yes.

[He considers, then adds:] Since January.

[There is more he could add, of course. How he feels for her, that he has pursued her since September, that she chose to come to him.

But all of that feels defensive, to even have to speak it out loud. He should not have to defend himself on this matter.

This one fact, he does add, however:] She makes me happy.

[Billy's initial response is a quiet, noncommittal noise, more for his benefit than Loki's, since the god can't hear him. There's a lot of questions he could ask - how it even started, how they hooked up, why Rogue chose him, how they can even be together with so many secrets. He doesn't voice them, though; he has no right to ask those questions and even less of a right to the answers. Loki isn't telling him this to be questioned about it.

"Your good opinion is important to me."

And what is his good opinion? God, he wishes that came to mind as easily as those questions. This isn't what he expected to hear today, not at all. He expected horses and wheat and maybe some leftover portal talk, if either of them were feeling bold about that matter, but this isn't something he was prepared for.

After a long moment, though, hands twisting together as the only sign of his lingering discomfort, he turns his head to look at Loki again, brows furrowed.]

I think... if I said what's expected of me - by anyone else, I mean - I'd be kind of a hypocrite, wouldn't I? After saying that you should rely on people, trust them, call them friends... if I judged you for finding someone who was more than that, I'd be a pretty horrible person.

[And... really, what's wrong with it? Rogue can take care of herself, and he's been telling other people this whole time - the ones who know about his magic lessons, anyway - that he trusts Loki, relies on him, wants him to find his way. Rogue started out on the wrong path, and so did his own mother, and so did so many of the great people he's grown up admiring. Being a villain isn't the end of one's journey. It's just a stepping stone in the dark.

He doesn't want to be that kind of person. And he hates hypocrisy.

So finally, finally, his expression seems to decide on itself. There's concern, yes, and still some lingering uncertainty, but not disapproval, not accusation. Just a lack of understanding because he hasn't watched a relationship develop, only envisioned two names together as a couple that he hadn't expected to exist, especially after Rogue had told him off for even relying on Loki during a draft. Though she'd had her reasons for that.

He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes for a moment, and smiles.]

I'm happy for you.

[And he means it.]

[The corner of Loki's lips pulls up in a crooked smile.]

I said something very like that to her, several months ago. That I was tired of being told that I needed to reach out somehow, while in the next breath 'but not near me.'

She had something of the same look on her face.

[He gives Billy a relieved smile.]

I'm glad.

[He's silent for a moment. His instinct is to just leave it at that. But this is an experiment, as much as everything with Rogue has been. Cautiously, he's trying out something new, with the few people he actually trusts. It feels strange and tentative, but he's become so unmoored here over the last six months that he needs to try something.]

If you... want to ask anything... well, I cannot guarantee an answer, but I shall try.

...Is it weird that my first thought is "double date"?

[He waves a hand, though, his lips quirking to indicate how serious he really isn't about the suggestion. Even if they were public about the relationship, he doubts Teddy would be very enthusiastic about it. He still doesn't like Loki very much, even if he's respectful of Billy's own wishes on the matter.]

Um... well, I won't go prying in business that isn't mine. Why don't you just tell me what you're comfortable with sharing? I mean, I think it's pretty clearly doing you some good.

[Loki laughs.] I can't even imagine.

[His smile becomes almost sheepish.] I don't know. I haven't tried to just... tell someone about something I care about in centuries.

Edited 2013-04-04 07:31 (UTC)

[A sheepish Loki is actually kind of adorable. It's probably a good thing that he can't hear Billy's tone when he speaks at this point.]

Okay, baby steps. Maybe we can do it another way... you ever heard of quid pro quo?

[Loki snorts and gives Billy a seriously did you just ask me that look.] I might as well have invented it.

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