selfhelp | [Action/Written]

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[Action/Written]

[Billy has never thought of himself as one of those obsessive stalker boyfriends who needs to be attached at the hip to his significant other at all times. Really, he'd always figured they were pretty good about mutual space. A two-month separation with the potential of spending years in this place without seeing Teddy again is, however, apparently the trigger he'd needed to become one, so after one too many looks from Teddy - some patient, others not so much - he'd officially gotten himself banished from the apartment for the afternoon after too much worried lurking. Which is... not the greatest thing ever on a hot day like today, but ten minutes down the road he realizes that, yeah, he'd been a little ridiculous, either blowing off his responsibilities or dragging Teddy along for the ride. He's happy and eager to have Teddy here, but they'd lived separate lives at least half the time back home; no reason for that to not continue here as well.

It's just hard to let go after you've missed someone for that long.

Still, that's how he finds himself out and about for around five hours today, doing the following (in no particular order):

- a late lunch at Seventh Heaven
- searching around the library for comic books
- combat practice in the Battle Dome (with or without his trusty new teacher)

While at the library, a few sketches find their way into his journal, more or less like the following: this, this, and this. Some time afterwards, a scribbled message appears below.]

What are some good ways to deal with bad dreams?

[Once he's finished all his daily stuff, he'll be bringing groceries home around dinner time, in the hopes that he's allowed. Feel free to run into him at any time.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Wow, and here he was thinking that only his mother used words like "copulate" for sex.

Also he is slowly dying over here.]

The problem is dreams, not sex! Dreams!

If one has enough sex, then one does not dream. Unless they are sexy dreams, which are all the more enjoyable for reminding one of all the sex they have had.

[Face. Meet. Hands.]

You, um... you're really casual about this kind of thing...

[He can't even talk about his own sex life with that kind of candor, let alone someone else's.]

I have found that dancing around this particular subject serves no purpose if one is to be dispensing advice with any measure of certainty.

As nice as that sounds, I'm pretty sure that trying to get rid of bad dreams is a selfish way to get myself laid.

[Logic is the only way to save his cheeks from going permanently red at this point.]

I have honestly heard worse, but that is your choice. The offer for contortion lessons remains, however. It's not as involved as bedding another man; but it requires focus, stamina, and can be fairly exhausting. More than enough to prevent dreaming.

[FFFFF. Not sure if want.]

W-wait, you're actually offering lessons?

I do believe I mentioned that I have very little to do with my time, have I not? It would be something to do. This way you are exhausted enough to not dream, and I am somewhat amused.

[Exhausted by contortion...

...sounds... uh...

...well, anything could be worth a shot, really...]

Okay, um... I can give it a try.

[Maybe Teddy would like it? Ergh....]

Excellent!

[One word- such glee. Such wicked, wicked glee. Be afraid Billy, be very afraid.]

If you wish to begin immediately, I could meet out in front of the barracks or the. I think it is called the battle dome? I have not been there myself, but the map is terribly informative.

[His enthusiasm is, admittedly, kind of terrifying. Just what is he getting himself into?]

Oh, uh, yeah- I've been there a few times. It's a good place to practice whatever you need to.

There is space enough, I am sure. [He chuckles.]

So I shall meet you there in...half an hour?

Half an hour... got it. [Well, he has to be down there for training later anyway, so may as well. He'll be there.]

[And waiting just in front of the building is Zevran in all his tanned, tatooed, and denim clad glory. Yes, he's taken to wearing these odd slacks- they were comfortable and moved well, and were less conspicuous than his armor.]

[Oh boy, here goes. Billy arrives more or less on time, looking a little nervous but trying not to; he has no idea what to expect, but as usual he's one teleport away from safety, so it's probably fine. Just a matter of... appropriateness, really. At the sight of Zevran, he lifts a hand to wave and- oh my god does he have pointed ears. Yes. Yes he does.

Cue staring.]

Uh... hi.

[Pointed and pierced, as it were. Zev lifts his hand in turn and grins across to the slim young man he can only assume to be Billy.]

A pleasure to meet you in person, Billy.

Y-yeah... same to you.

[Don't ask, Billy. Don't ask. Don't ask don't ask don't ask-]

Are you an elf?

[........Mission: failed.]

No.

[Flat, deadpan, and spoken with a grin.]

I am a fade spirit, here to grant all your naughty little wishes.

[Oh, that's just mean. Billy's lips quirk a bit at that, despite the slight blush crossing his cheeks; he can appreciate a good sarcastic reply, after all.]

The spirit of raunchy behaviour? I bet you're popular.

With all the little virginal boys and girls that wish to learn the truth of carnal contortion, yes.

[He huffs a laugh.]

[...Guh, there goes his composure again.]

Y... yeah. About that. This isn't going to be something that looks like I'm cheating, is it?

We'll be fully clothed for one- so unless you become very creative I do not think you will be any danger of that. Secondly I am here to instruct you, yes? Seduction is fun, but not terribly informative.

Haha, okay, I can handle that. ...I think.

[HE'S REALLY, REALLY HOPING...]

So how do we start?

First we find a large empty space free from prying eyes, then we get you loosened up enough that the stretching is not so uncomfortable.

[That could be taken in a really, really dirty way and oh god just let him die.]

Why, um... why does it have to be private? The dome has viewing areas...

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