selfhelp | [Action/Written]

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[Action/Written]

[Billy has never thought of himself as one of those obsessive stalker boyfriends who needs to be attached at the hip to his significant other at all times. Really, he'd always figured they were pretty good about mutual space. A two-month separation with the potential of spending years in this place without seeing Teddy again is, however, apparently the trigger he'd needed to become one, so after one too many looks from Teddy - some patient, others not so much - he'd officially gotten himself banished from the apartment for the afternoon after too much worried lurking. Which is... not the greatest thing ever on a hot day like today, but ten minutes down the road he realizes that, yeah, he'd been a little ridiculous, either blowing off his responsibilities or dragging Teddy along for the ride. He's happy and eager to have Teddy here, but they'd lived separate lives at least half the time back home; no reason for that to not continue here as well.

It's just hard to let go after you've missed someone for that long.

Still, that's how he finds himself out and about for around five hours today, doing the following (in no particular order):

- a late lunch at Seventh Heaven
- searching around the library for comic books
- combat practice in the Battle Dome (with or without his trusty new teacher)

While at the library, a few sketches find their way into his journal, more or less like the following: this, this, and this. Some time afterwards, a scribbled message appears below.]

What are some good ways to deal with bad dreams?

[Once he's finished all his daily stuff, he'll be bringing groceries home around dinner time, in the hopes that he's allowed. Feel free to run into him at any time.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I am an assassin, of course. [If one could have a humorous tilt to their handwritng, Zev did.] As for recreation, well. Think creatively with how certain positions might be employed in the bedroom.

[Y E P SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED.]

~~I thought~~ ~~I was trying to~~ ~~I didn't~~

[....]

Oh.

[He. Is. Going. To. Die. Pop a vessel right on the spot. Ohgod.]

You aren't a virgin, are you? If so a few of the maneuvers might be a little complicated.

Wh

[OH GOD WHERE IS THIS EVEN COMING FROM AND WHY IS IT SUDDENLY SO IMPORTANT SHIT SHIT SHIT

He can't even write anymore, he's too flaily at this point.]

I-is that really a question for someone you don't even know!?

[There's that moment of random muttering on Zev's end while he tries to find the proper little symbol that makes the voice function work on his end- but he finds it with minimal swearing.]

Well perhaps if you offered your name and I offered mine, I would know you well enough to speak of such things, yes?

[That is so not even remotely what he meant, man. He wouldn't even talk about this stuff with friends. Maybe Teddy. Eventually. When they're ready.

Sob.

But introductions are okay for the moment, it's at least a nice distraction.]

I'm Billy.

My name is Zevran, Billy, and it is a pleasure to meet you.

Yeah... nice to meet you.

[Thank you for completely mortifying me.

M-maybe he can evade the sex talk.]

So... how long have you been here?

A few days, I am what the journal refers to as a 'new feather' but I do not care for that title much. I am not something so downy and fluffy as to warrant it.

Oh wow, that new? Seems like you're getting used to the journal really fast, though. That's good.

Aside from collecting my personal effects from the various stores I've had very little do do with my time other than read and learn from this delightful little book. For all the talk of experiments and kidnappings this place seems fairly boring.

[A mock sigh.]

I am almost disappointed.

[...Pffft. A few days in and he's already bored.

Poor guy.]

Give it time. It'll get worse.

Of that I have no doubt, Billy, but until I have problems that warrant discussing, why do we not instead focus upon yours?

Do you have someone special you are saving yourself for or do you simply lack the means and drive?

[s c r e a m oh god he's talking about that again nooooo]

I-I have a boyfriend, I don't need-

[jhdksjkf wait, wait, this is not coming out right at all.]

Ah, so you have someone. Marvelous! Then is it an issue with your desire to copulate? There are teas and herbs for that, of course.

[Wow, and here he was thinking that only his mother used words like "copulate" for sex.

Also he is slowly dying over here.]

The problem is dreams, not sex! Dreams!

If one has enough sex, then one does not dream. Unless they are sexy dreams, which are all the more enjoyable for reminding one of all the sex they have had.

[Face. Meet. Hands.]

You, um... you're really casual about this kind of thing...

[He can't even talk about his own sex life with that kind of candor, let alone someone else's.]

I have found that dancing around this particular subject serves no purpose if one is to be dispensing advice with any measure of certainty.

As nice as that sounds, I'm pretty sure that trying to get rid of bad dreams is a selfish way to get myself laid.

[Logic is the only way to save his cheeks from going permanently red at this point.]

I have honestly heard worse, but that is your choice. The offer for contortion lessons remains, however. It's not as involved as bedding another man; but it requires focus, stamina, and can be fairly exhausting. More than enough to prevent dreaming.

[FFFFF. Not sure if want.]

W-wait, you're actually offering lessons?

I do believe I mentioned that I have very little to do with my time, have I not? It would be something to do. This way you are exhausted enough to not dream, and I am somewhat amused.

[Exhausted by contortion...

...sounds... uh...

...well, anything could be worth a shot, really...]

Okay, um... I can give it a try.

[Maybe Teddy would like it? Ergh....]

Excellent!

[One word- such glee. Such wicked, wicked glee. Be afraid Billy, be very afraid.]

If you wish to begin immediately, I could meet out in front of the barracks or the. I think it is called the battle dome? I have not been there myself, but the map is terribly informative.

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