[It takes a moment for it to hit home for Billy. It takes a moment longer for him to remember how to breathe.
That's not... what he'd expected.
Truth is, he hadn't ever been certain that he would leave this house alive. It wasn't that he didn't trust Loki, but more that his crime was so great and so grievous that there could be no alternative. He'd been a friend. Now an enemy. And enemies of Loki don't get to be forgiven, do they.
Cut out his tongue, he'd said. And now this.
He's warm and strong and solid and Billy doesn't understand, he doesn't understand at all, but maybe he doesn't have to. Maybe this is all the answer and explanation that he needs. Maybe in the end Loki, Loki has felt the pain of this separation as much as he has. Maybe it isn't surprising at all, really.
His chest hurts, lungs burning for air, and he finally inhales a shaken, shuddering breath, the sound more like a broken sob, and he lifts a hand to weakly grasp at Loki's clothes, afraid to ask for more but wanting it so badly. He needs this, but he doesn't deserve it, Loki chose to- but he'd been so angry-
I don't want to understand.
I don't need it.
I just...
The walls break down at last, and he surrenders himself to it. He lets the tears fall, lets the grief and guilt overwhelm him, and he cries like the child Loki believes him still to be. He whispers apologies, over and over, unable to stop himself. He feels pathetic that that's all he can do.
But Loki chose this. He chose this. And Billy doesn't know what that means, but he'll accept it without complaint. He'd accept anything at this point, if it meant not letting go.]
[action] well there goes my heart
That's not... what he'd expected.
Truth is, he hadn't ever been certain that he would leave this house alive. It wasn't that he didn't trust Loki, but more that his crime was so great and so grievous that there could be no alternative. He'd been a friend. Now an enemy. And enemies of Loki don't get to be forgiven, do they.
Cut out his tongue, he'd said. And now this.
He's warm and strong and solid and Billy doesn't understand, he doesn't understand at all, but maybe he doesn't have to. Maybe this is all the answer and explanation that he needs. Maybe in the end Loki, Loki has felt the pain of this separation as much as he has. Maybe it isn't surprising at all, really.
His chest hurts, lungs burning for air, and he finally inhales a shaken, shuddering breath, the sound more like a broken sob, and he lifts a hand to weakly grasp at Loki's clothes, afraid to ask for more but wanting it so badly. He needs this, but he doesn't deserve it, Loki chose to- but he'd been so angry-
I don't want to understand.
I don't need it.
I just...
The walls break down at last, and he surrenders himself to it. He lets the tears fall, lets the grief and guilt overwhelm him, and he cries like the child Loki believes him still to be. He whispers apologies, over and over, unable to stop himself. He feels pathetic that that's all he can do.
But Loki chose this. He chose this. And Billy doesn't know what that means, but he'll accept it without complaint. He'd accept anything at this point, if it meant not letting go.]