[And somehow, now that he has permission to do so, Billy finds the words stuck in his throat, hopelessly tangled and wrestling to stay down, where half the time, normally, his words are bubbling to the surface and he can't control what he says. It's such a stark contrast from the norm that sometimes he can barely even recognize himself anymore. The words don't flow when his thoughts are such a mess, when he second-guesses every little thing. And in a conversation like this, with a person like Loki, where the wrong reply - the wrong word, even - could potentially ruin everything?

He's trembling, hesitating, and it's hard to stop. He wants to run, he wants to collapse, to cry, to be anywhere but here.

But his wants don't matter anymore. His wants are dangerous. He's proven that.

He takes a deep breath, a shaky gulp, trying to gather up his courage. And he tries. He has to try.]

I'm sorry. I know it might not mean anything now, I know it can't change anything, but... it's the truth. I regret it all. I regret everything. And you were right- everything you told me, you were right. I used magic I couldn't control, I pushed the limits, and... I... I-I made everyone I love pay for it...

[He has to stop for a moment, lifting a hand to cover his mouth and clenching his eyes shut, to muffle a sob and cut off the tears threatening to fall. If he starts crying now, he doesn't know how he'll be able to stop, and that won't accomplish anything.]

It should've been me... it should've just been me who...

[His voice hitches, and he bows his head, fighting it, trying to rein in his emotions. If he can't do this, if he can't even apologize without sobbing all over people, how the hell is he supposed to make amends?]

...god... god, I'm so...