selfhelp | [action / voice] backdated to the 16th

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[action / voice] backdated to the 16th

[Billy wakes up for the first time since the portal drama feeling nauseous, exhausted, and heartsick: sort of like waking from a long nightmare, only he can't recall dreaming at all. Instead of being at home in his own world and his own bed, he's still in Luceti, and what's worse is that he's alone. His magic doesn't seem to be working, either. Panic sets in, and... well...

After a bit of trouble-at-home, and a resolution that leaves him feeling even more weary, the reality of his (or rather, their) situation really sinks in: the portal didn't work. And while none of the people involved in the execution of said plan are in any great state of being today, he seems to be the only one who's up and talking and available to explain the situation to the general public (at least, to those who didn't witness what a spectacular disaster it was), and that leaves announcing it up to him.

Unfortunately.

He delays it as much as he feels that he can, perusing the journal in the desperate hope that someone else has done it for him, then wondering if it would be better to wait for someone more in-the-know to do it, until finally he steps up to the plate. Now or never.]

...Hey everyone. I'm sure a lot of you already heard, but for those that haven't, Tony and Jane's big escape portal didn't work. It kind of backfired yesterday, and...

[His voice trails off in the beginnings of a more distraught tone, so he pauses to compose himself.]

Nobody died? I mean, we've got that going for us. For what it's worth. But no one went home, either. The whole thing was a bust. No point in even keeping it a secret anymore.

One last thank you to everybody who gave up their mission points to get parts for it, though. I don't think it was a waste or anything - I mean, trying's better than sitting around and doing nothing, and something definitely happened, so we at least pushed a few of their buttons - but...

[Ugh, why did he think this was a good idea?]

...sorry it wasn't what we thought it would be. That's all.

[After that he really just wants to curl up in bed and pretend to be unconscious for the next several days, but that's not particularly responsible, so he'll have to settle for making it a few hours instead. It's the little things in life.]

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[Teddy was not the type to wake up early unless he really made himself do it, and this was one of those times. With Billy feeling so exhausted and down over the events that happened yesterday, Teddy thought he might surprise him with a grand breakfast in bed. He'd actually gotten up before his boyfriend, slipped as carefully as he could out of bed, and headed to the kitchen, where he begins to make omelettes and bacon. It's a nice treat for himself, too, having also felt the weight of yesterday on his shoulders. He's glad no one died, but still...

Little does he know that this breakfast-in-bed thing probably wasn't the best idea after all.]

Sorry to hear that.

If any of you need anything, let me know and I'll see what I can do to help.

[Mornings in the Kaplan-Altman apartment are something of a ritual, after this long: like that of a married couple, together for so many years that the habits just mesh into one long line of familiarity that nothing can break. When he wakes up (well before Teddy) Billy will untangle himself from a collection of twined limbs, stretch, kiss whatever part of his burrowed boyfriend he can reach, and make his half of the bed so that Teddy knows that he left willingly. He's seen too much panic over the journals or through accounts with his friends to know that kidnappings or sudden disappearances, even due to something as simple as waking up can be upsetting, and it really is the little things that can get to you. So he makes the bed and leaves some sign for Teddy to know, if he happens to wake up before Billy pounces him in an hour or so, that he's up and about and safe. This is his ritual. A ritual that, in his mind, is what anyone else would do.

So when he wakes up late after an already-stressful day, reaches across the bed for some much needed cuddles with the boyfriend to help himself unwind, and finds an empty bed? It's the last straw.

To his credit, he does not cry. He calls, at first, quietly and with a shaken voice, his hands gripping the covers, waking the tiny black kitten curled up near his arm. And then he staggers out of bed - apparently his body is still weakened from too much spellcasting the day before - to check Teddy's room. It doesn't look utterly abandoned, but that doesn't mean he's okay. It doesn't mean anything. He could be hurt somewhere or kidnapped or in trouble and logic is not working at this hour so all he feels is panic, panic, panic. He drops to his knees by the bed and starts chanting, his hands shaking, wishing with all his might for his magic to come back to him and show him what he needs to see- Teddy at home, safe and well, where he belongs.

"IwanttoofindTeddyIwanttoofindTeddyIwanttoofindTeddyIwanttoofindTeddy..."

But there's nothing, not even a flicker, not even a spark. He's powerless and he doesn't know where Teddy is.

That's when he starts crying, calling Teddy's name again - louder this time - and making a stumbling run for the door. He has to be here. He has to be here...!]

...Thanks. I think right now we just need to rest and recover, though. It'll take some time.

Understandable.

[It's the spell he hears, having enough Skrull in him to hear quite well, even over the sizzle of the eggs in the skillet. Teddy stops, frowns, and looks toward his room, even though he's just looking at a wall - that must be where Billy is now, seeing how his boyfriend's room is, ah... permanently soundproofed.

The tone of the voice makes him turn the heat a little lower before he hurries out of the kitchen and into their apartment. It sounded frantic, panicked, and Teddy knows that the spell won't work. So instead of waiting for his boyfriend to find him, he goes to him instead, and he opens the door -

As luck would have it, he opened it just as Billy reached it in his run. He doesn't even time to react before he feels the force of his boyfriend collide with his chest, and while it isn't enough to even move him, Teddy still rides with it as much as he can, just so that it doesn't feel like Billy's running into a brick wall (again).]

Billy? [He holds his shoulders, both to support him and give him some kind of comfort.]

Thank you, Billy. ...I agree. Trying is better.

[She is tired - possibly sleepless, and the filter is subpar as a result - and worn and disheartened, too. But to take on the burden of telling everyone, that warrants real thanks.]

[He wears that same look of panic for a moment or two longer, while Teddy's sudden appearance sinks in; he's here. He's okay, he's safe, he's not gone.

He's not alone.

Then the relief hits him, but it's very quickly swept aside by anger. Because he had been alone, because Teddy left him alone in bed without even a sign that he'd gotten up, and Teddy never gets up earlier than him, and it's so irrational but he can't think of anything but how inconsiderate it feels to him.

So he backs up, shoves against Teddy's chest - ignoring how it makes him stumble instead of his boyfriend, goddammit, and just lets loose that anger, since holding it in hurts too much right now.]

What the hell do you think you're doing out here!?

I keep replaying it in my head... wondering what we could've done differently. Or if it was just doomed to begin with.

It's rough, not having enough answers. Or any, really.

We cannot even say we know what will not work, can we? Not for certain. Unless...you know what specifically...failed?

[The last thing she wants to do is relive it all on purpose.]

Even if you did, I wouldn't understand.

...I don't know. I think back to what I felt, what I saw, and...

[It was a nightmare. He doesn't want to relive that, certainly, and it's all so confusing that he doubts it would even make a difference.]

...It's like the world itself said "no".

[And just as the puppy at Teddy's heels catches up to his owner after he moved so quickly away - now he's backing away due to the yelling, while Teddy remains rooted to the spot, eyes wide and a look of utter confusion on his face. Doing out... what, outside of the room? His brow tenses, as if it wants to frown and raise in concern at the same time; it's frustrating in a helpless sort of way, when your partner is angry at you and you can't figure out the reason why.]

What? I was cooking breakfast - I thought I'd surprise you with it... I mean, with all that happened, I thought...

[Oh no...Sora can't help but feel his heart sink upon hearing that. Their way to get home broken and smashed and the people who did this were probably really hurt. Billy doesn't sound like he's doing well either.

Sora pauses for a few moments before he responds.]

Hey, no need to be sorry, okay? You guys tried your best and that's all that matters. We'll just think of a new way to get home, that's all!

[A small fraction of Billy's mind (generally the one constantly buzzing "TeddyTeddyTeddy" at all hours of the day) is pierced by the kindness of that gesture, but even that can't hold him back from the surprising amount of frustration he'd managed to build up in the last several minutes.]

And with all that happened I thought you'd know better than to just run off without telling me you were leaving! I thought you'd disappeared! Been kidnapped! O-or worse! I was freaking out!

[Pepper can't quite decide how she feels about Billy taking on the task of announcing the portal's failure. On the one hand, while he had an important role he hadn't been one of the three creators, and he shouldn't bear the responsibility of it. Yet he is the only one of the four who actually ran the test in a position to let those in Luceti know, and for better or worse that is a burden off of Tony's shoulders when he wakes up.

And with that in mind, she locks her reply to Billy only despite knowing there's no point to it; word travels fast in any contained group of people, and too many villagers had a vested interest in this project. Still, Pepper puts forth the effort, in case someone looks at this who hasn't heard. She doesn't want to broadcast this, even if she wants Billy to know.]

Tony's still unconscious. [It speaks to how tired Pepper is that she blurts that out first, before she thinks to ask about Billy himself.] How are you doing?

Edited 2013-03-18 04:38 (UTC)

[That same fraction of Teddy's mind is struck by how frustrated and still panicked Billy is, how it's his fault, and he was worried for him, and the rest of him, well... It's feeling that too, but he can't help feeling a little frustrated himself. Nothing hurts more than having the one you love yelling at you like this, and Teddy just wants Billy to be quiet, to calm down and then maybe they can talk about it, without emotions flying everywhere.

But that would just make him more pissed off, wouldn't it, so Teddy grips the door frame as if it's his rock at the moment, and he gestures with his other hand as he talks, voice raised at first, eyes on Billy's for a second before it darts away to look to the side, at the floor instead.]

Look, it's not like I wanted you to - ! [That's when his voice lowers, tapering out to a more defeated tone.] It was - The plan was to get back before you woke up, but... well, you see how that turned out. I'm sorry.

[Oh, Sora. Optimistic as ever.]

Yeah... we'll get there eventually.

[He just wishes he could sound as sure about it.]

[Eternally so. He's gotta be there to pick up his friends again.]

Hey, it might look bad now, but you'll see. We'll figure away out.

But, are you all right? How bad was it?

[Augh... Pepper. He's been worried sick about them, too, since he'd kind of passed out before he saw much of what had happened himself. All he really knows is that it was bad. Very bad.]

Sorry... I hope he wakes up soon. [There's an awkward pause.] I'm okay, I think. Tired. And my magic's gone.

I'm so sorry, Billy. [He shouldn't have had to go through that. None of them should.]

Do you need anything?

[Guess science wasn't his friend, after all.]

[But that's hardly appropriate to say. And awkward Valentine's Day shenanigans from last month aside, Billy seemed upset, and she shouldn't take her frustration out on him.]

...hardly seems fair to make you guys apologize for trying. [...] How are you holding up, Witch Boy?

[Teddy's tone should have fizzled his anger, but instead it just seems to fuel him on, as if justified by his boyfriend's defeated attitude.]

You really think I'd stay sleeping without you there!? And then to find you gone- you didn't even make the bed- you could've done something! Left a note! I was scared, Teddy! you should've- stayed with me, or- I don't know...!

[He's running out of arguments and swiftly out of energy, hands flailing in an effort to find the words to articulate his feeling. Panic is never particularly coherent, which is unfortunate, because at this point he's just ranting his frustration at the nearest target.]

Okay!

[Teddy gives a gesture with his own free hand, the other gripping the frame so hard that it groans slightly under the pressure. It hurts, and he knows he's in the wrong, but this is so - it's so easily fixed, and everything's okay now, and he just wants him to stop. Defending himself seems like the best option now.]

Next time I just - I won't wake up before you again, or something! I get it, Billy! And I'm sorry! So would you stop telling me what I didn't think to do because - [Again, his voice tapers off.] God, I never wake up before you, I'm not used to leaving stuff behind or... I'm sorry. I'm here now and I can't just go back in time and do something like that, so I'm just... sorry.

[Of all things, it's the groan of the wood that snaps Billy out of it, his gaze drifting to the frame and the way Teddy's gripping it, the anger trickling out of his expression and just leaving him shocked and tired again. He doesn't really want to fight, and he doesn't want to be angry, either. He just needed to get that point across. Even if he managed to do it in a really lousy way.

His arms fall to his sides, limp and drained, and his gaze darts to the side, unable to look at Teddy's expression.]

Don't... you don't have to do that. I just- I panicked, I woke up for the first time after everything that happened and I... I just really needed to know you were okay.

Probably a three-month nap or something. That might be a good start.

[There's no easy solution for feeling like this, sadly.]

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