selfhelp | [action / voice] backdated to the 16th

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[action / voice] backdated to the 16th

[Billy wakes up for the first time since the portal drama feeling nauseous, exhausted, and heartsick: sort of like waking from a long nightmare, only he can't recall dreaming at all. Instead of being at home in his own world and his own bed, he's still in Luceti, and what's worse is that he's alone. His magic doesn't seem to be working, either. Panic sets in, and... well...

After a bit of trouble-at-home, and a resolution that leaves him feeling even more weary, the reality of his (or rather, their) situation really sinks in: the portal didn't work. And while none of the people involved in the execution of said plan are in any great state of being today, he seems to be the only one who's up and talking and available to explain the situation to the general public (at least, to those who didn't witness what a spectacular disaster it was), and that leaves announcing it up to him.

Unfortunately.

He delays it as much as he feels that he can, perusing the journal in the desperate hope that someone else has done it for him, then wondering if it would be better to wait for someone more in-the-know to do it, until finally he steps up to the plate. Now or never.]

...Hey everyone. I'm sure a lot of you already heard, but for those that haven't, Tony and Jane's big escape portal didn't work. It kind of backfired yesterday, and...

[His voice trails off in the beginnings of a more distraught tone, so he pauses to compose himself.]

Nobody died? I mean, we've got that going for us. For what it's worth. But no one went home, either. The whole thing was a bust. No point in even keeping it a secret anymore.

One last thank you to everybody who gave up their mission points to get parts for it, though. I don't think it was a waste or anything - I mean, trying's better than sitting around and doing nothing, and something definitely happened, so we at least pushed a few of their buttons - but...

[Ugh, why did he think this was a good idea?]

...sorry it wasn't what we thought it would be. That's all.

[After that he really just wants to curl up in bed and pretend to be unconscious for the next several days, but that's not particularly responsible, so he'll have to settle for making it a few hours instead. It's the little things in life.]

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[He wears that same look of panic for a moment or two longer, while Teddy's sudden appearance sinks in; he's here. He's okay, he's safe, he's not gone.

He's not alone.

Then the relief hits him, but it's very quickly swept aside by anger. Because he had been alone, because Teddy left him alone in bed without even a sign that he'd gotten up, and Teddy never gets up earlier than him, and it's so irrational but he can't think of anything but how inconsiderate it feels to him.

So he backs up, shoves against Teddy's chest - ignoring how it makes him stumble instead of his boyfriend, goddammit, and just lets loose that anger, since holding it in hurts too much right now.]

What the hell do you think you're doing out here!?

[And just as the puppy at Teddy's heels catches up to his owner after he moved so quickly away - now he's backing away due to the yelling, while Teddy remains rooted to the spot, eyes wide and a look of utter confusion on his face. Doing out... what, outside of the room? His brow tenses, as if it wants to frown and raise in concern at the same time; it's frustrating in a helpless sort of way, when your partner is angry at you and you can't figure out the reason why.]

What? I was cooking breakfast - I thought I'd surprise you with it... I mean, with all that happened, I thought...

[A small fraction of Billy's mind (generally the one constantly buzzing "TeddyTeddyTeddy" at all hours of the day) is pierced by the kindness of that gesture, but even that can't hold him back from the surprising amount of frustration he'd managed to build up in the last several minutes.]

And with all that happened I thought you'd know better than to just run off without telling me you were leaving! I thought you'd disappeared! Been kidnapped! O-or worse! I was freaking out!

[That same fraction of Teddy's mind is struck by how frustrated and still panicked Billy is, how it's his fault, and he was worried for him, and the rest of him, well... It's feeling that too, but he can't help feeling a little frustrated himself. Nothing hurts more than having the one you love yelling at you like this, and Teddy just wants Billy to be quiet, to calm down and then maybe they can talk about it, without emotions flying everywhere.

But that would just make him more pissed off, wouldn't it, so Teddy grips the door frame as if it's his rock at the moment, and he gestures with his other hand as he talks, voice raised at first, eyes on Billy's for a second before it darts away to look to the side, at the floor instead.]

Look, it's not like I wanted you to - ! [That's when his voice lowers, tapering out to a more defeated tone.] It was - The plan was to get back before you woke up, but... well, you see how that turned out. I'm sorry.

[Teddy's tone should have fizzled his anger, but instead it just seems to fuel him on, as if justified by his boyfriend's defeated attitude.]

You really think I'd stay sleeping without you there!? And then to find you gone- you didn't even make the bed- you could've done something! Left a note! I was scared, Teddy! you should've- stayed with me, or- I don't know...!

[He's running out of arguments and swiftly out of energy, hands flailing in an effort to find the words to articulate his feeling. Panic is never particularly coherent, which is unfortunate, because at this point he's just ranting his frustration at the nearest target.]

Okay!

[Teddy gives a gesture with his own free hand, the other gripping the frame so hard that it groans slightly under the pressure. It hurts, and he knows he's in the wrong, but this is so - it's so easily fixed, and everything's okay now, and he just wants him to stop. Defending himself seems like the best option now.]

Next time I just - I won't wake up before you again, or something! I get it, Billy! And I'm sorry! So would you stop telling me what I didn't think to do because - [Again, his voice tapers off.] God, I never wake up before you, I'm not used to leaving stuff behind or... I'm sorry. I'm here now and I can't just go back in time and do something like that, so I'm just... sorry.

[Of all things, it's the groan of the wood that snaps Billy out of it, his gaze drifting to the frame and the way Teddy's gripping it, the anger trickling out of his expression and just leaving him shocked and tired again. He doesn't really want to fight, and he doesn't want to be angry, either. He just needed to get that point across. Even if he managed to do it in a really lousy way.

His arms fall to his sides, limp and drained, and his gaze darts to the side, unable to look at Teddy's expression.]

Don't... you don't have to do that. I just- I panicked, I woke up for the first time after everything that happened and I... I just really needed to know you were okay.

[Teddy keeps his own gaze away too, though he can still pick up the calmer tone in Billy's voice. Still, his grip remains heavy on the frame, and his teeth grit behind his lips. All of this just makes him think this was a lousy idea. What's the point of doing all this if he makes Billy panic and get angry and - and cry, Teddy can see those tear tracks still on his face.

God. He really didn't think.]

Sorry. Really. It was a dumb idea, I shouldn't have even...

[He finally darts his gaze up and opens his mouth to say something else, before he lets out the air he took in with an irritated exhale and looks away again. He was about to say that he'd go take a walk, get some fresh air, cool himself down and get his mind back on whatever he was doing. But after Billy just utterly panicked over Teddy not being there? That's probably the last thing he should do.]

[Billy keeps looking away - first to the side, then down, then up at Teddy briefly before dropping his gaze again - and his fingers twist together in front of him, grasping as if seeking some kind of hold on his own emotions. It's a pointless gesture at best, but he needs it the way Teddy seems to need the door frame. He wants to say it was okay, but it isn't; he wants to say he's fine now, but he's not. He's shaken and his chest hurts and he feels kind of faint, but he can't tell if it's because of the shock or if he's just too exhausted to be out of bed right now.

This weekend has just sucked, period.]

It... wasn't dumb. Just scary.

If it's scary, then -

[Teddy gives another helpless gesture before he just lets it out in a frustrated sigh. If it's scary, then it was dumb, he was trying to say, even though he does get what Billy's trying to get at. But his own frustration are getting in the way of that.

This weekend really did suck.

He shuts his eyes, letting whatever high emotions he has start to fizzle down. It's a pretty quick process; even without shifting, Teddy can calm himself down pretty easily, save for extreme situations (like Billy disappearing from existence, haa). And after a moment, he opens his eyes and looks up at Billy, grip on the frame loosening.]

Listen, Billy, I'm re -

[And then a loud, shrill alarm goes off in the kitchen, one that's familiar, but only because Billy's the one who makes it go off, not Teddy. Thus, Teddy's eyes widen, and the poor frame around his hand actually cracks because of the shock the alarm gave him, as well as the realization of just what it is and what it means.]

Ooooh no - [And with that, he turns and rushes back to the kitchen, very nearly tripping over the puppy who runs as fast as his little legs can take him away from the alarm and to someplace safer, probably the place where Billy's kitten holed herself up.]

[Billy stares as Teddy disappears into the kitchen, blinking blearily and reaching out to grip the door frame that Teddy had just cracked, as if the freshly-splintered wood can snap him out of his stupor. He doesn't move until the alarm stops shrieking, since it's really doing nothing for the pounding in his head, and as soon as there's silence he hesitantly follows after his boyfriend.

What greets him first as he enters the kitchen is the stench of burnt food, which is unfortunate enough, but what he focuses on is Teddy who is working away to salvage it. That's when it hits him, what Teddy had said before- about cooking breakfast. To surprise him. To help with what happened.

God, he's such a jerk.

He doesn't move, simply leans against the wall with his arms at his side, hands pressed to the drywall, watching his boyfriend and feeling kind of terrible, physically, mentally, emotionally, the whole spectrum. He feels like crawling back into bed and sleeping off the shame, but he knows that after flipping out like that he can't just slink off.

Dammit. How'd he manage to take a shitty situation and make it even worse?]

[It takes Teddy a long moment to actually let himself take a breather. There was turning off the heat while turning on cold water, then taking the pan and letting the bottom of it soak in the water, making him wince from the loud sizzling sound it created, and just. Accessing the damage once everything had calmed down a little.

Goddammit. The eggs were so scorched - omelettes were one of those dishes that you had to keep an eye on, and even with him lowering the heat a little...

He grabs a spatula and tries to pry the mess off of the bottom of the pan, but it seems to be stuck firmly for now. With a loud sigh, Teddy lets the pan clatter onto an unused burner, his hands raising up as if telling the world that he's given up before he puts them against his hips and lets his shoulders droop. Ugh. He can see why Billy gets so stressed when food gets burned.

Speaking of Billy, though... Teddy turns his head towards the door, and he's honestly a little surprised to see Billy leaning against the wall there. There's a small moment of silence in which Teddy's expression doesn't change, before he gives a strained, helpless smile, and holds his hand out towards his boyfriend with his pointer touching his thumb.]

These are not the omelettes you are looking for?

[Somehow the smile just makes him feel worse - that Teddy can still smile at him like that after getting yelled at, god - and Billy ducks his head, hands closing into fists against the wall.]

It's my fault they burned... sorry.

[Idiot. That's not what he's supposed to be apologizing for.]

[The smile is soon gone, more out of frustration for his cooking failure and his still pounding heart than anything. Teddy looks at the burned food again, arms moving to cross in front of him now.]

No, [He says around a sigh,] that was my bad. I should've actually turned the burner off before going...

[Billy just shakes his head, not trusting his voice for a long moment. That isn't it at all.

Come on, Kaplan. Just...]

...I'm sorry. For yelling at you like that. It was seriously over the top.

[No excuses this time, no justification. Teddy knows his reasons, now, but that doesn't make it okay.]

[Teddy looks at him again, lips slightly pursed as he studies his boyfriend's posture and tone. An apology can just be something to placate the situation, after all, and not entirely be true. It's not that he doesn't trust Billy to be honest with things like this; it's just a habit that's lasted for years.

And though Teddy can clearly see Billy's truthful and really does feel like crap, he still isn't quite sure what to say for a moment. He can't say it's okay, because Teddy feels like crap too, so it's not okay, and he's not fine either. Maybe in the past he'd brush it under the carpet, say he's fine and get on with it, but...

Well, he's been evolving along with their relationship.

Finally, he lowers his own head, his own posture relaxing.]

I'm sorry, too. I really should've left something, especially after yesterday. You always do it for me, I just... didn't think about it.

...Mm.

[Billy fidgets, lips pursing. He hates fighting with Teddy even when one of them has really screwed up, and this is just a stupid misunderstanding, so it's even worse.]

I shouldn't have expected you to know. I wasn't thinking. I should've noticed your stuff, or...

[Teddy shakes his head at that, a wry smile slowly coming up.]

Yeah, we should've done all that stuff. But we didn't, we both yelled a lot, and here we are now.

[He uncrosses his arms and finally leaves his spot to go to his boyfriend, his smile turning more genuine as he reaches out to take both of Billy's hands in his own, fists and all.]

We're not exactly time lords here. So instead of thinking about what we should've done, why don't we focus on what's going on now? [He raises an eyebrow and tilts his head a little.] Like maybe helping me remake breakfast?

[Billy keeps his head bowed as Teddy approaches, so for a long moment all he sees is the floor, Teddy's feet, and hands reaching out to take his. The moment passes and he finally uncurls his fists to twine his fingers through his boyfriend's, chin lifting to meet Teddy's eyes.

He feels forgiven, and that's step one.]

...Can I do it sitting down? I think I'm about to fall over.

You look like you're about to fall over.

[He leads Billy to one of the chairs at the table - Honestly, he kind of wants to carry him there, spoil him silly. Though Tony and Jane were much worse off, seeing Billy collapse and pass out after such a huge spell was...

Yeah. Teddy knows that both he and Billy are lucky that he wasn't hit as hard as the rest of them.

Once Billy's sitting, Teddy lets go of his hands and straightens up, a hand to his chin as if in thought.]

You can... be a cheerleader from there, or something.

Gee, thanks.

[He lets Teddy guide him to a seat anyway, taking advantage of their closeness to press up against the blond. Physical contact is his best form of comfort, so it's one more way of apologizing for the fight.

Once he's seated and Teddy makes that comment, though, he lifts a brow, feeling a little bit more like himself. Complete with sass.]

Instead of pom-poms, how about handing me a mixing bowl, jerk.

[He can't help chuckling at that - that's his boyfriend, sarcastic as always. It's actually really good to hear it. Teddy's always loved his sarcasm, of course, but it's also a sign that he's feeling a bit more like himself.]

Right, right. Mixing bowl. [He reaches out to slide his thumb along Billy's cheek, gently wiping at the now dry tear tracks, before he looks away and gets the bowl, plus new eggs from the fridge.]

By the way, how do you like your omelettes? Did you want anything in them? Meat or whatever?

[Teddy gets a weak smile for that gesture, lifting a hand to trail his fingers over Teddy's in thanks before he pulls away.]

Do we have bacon? I'm feeling sinfully unkosher this morning. Though I think we've earned it.

[After yesterday...

...ugh, yesterday. He'd probably missed a lot, hadn't he? He wants to ask, but at the same time he wants to hold on to the lightheartedness they'd finally regained after their argument. Still, he's worried enough that this can't wait. Maybe he can at least make it brief.]

...Tony and Jane... are they okay...?

[Teddy pauses, just for a second, before he completes his motion of grabbing three eggs and placing them gently in the bowl.]

They'll be okay. They're in the clear, at least. Still unconscious, but okay.

[He grabs a whisk, then heads back to Billy.] I was with Pepper for a while at the clinic, actually. You were still out like a light.

[Truth be told, he really wanted to be there with him, even with Billy's assurances. But he practically promised Pepper, and he couldn't even imagine her state of mind.]

[action / voice] backdated to the 16th

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