[Loki falls silent for a long time, because it's a difficult question, perhaps far more than it should be. Part of him wants to protest that he has no home, because whatever Asgard was to him, it was a lie like everything else. And he will return there, but it will not be a homecoming; rather, it will be attack and vengeance and invasion, ultimately.
But he also has to admit there are things he misses, his mother - even if she isn't really his mother - and Sif, the library, and he missed Vakri before the horse turned up here. He misses the lake, and the gardens, and the way the sky looked at sunset. There are things he misses, and he hates that he does, that the place that did nothing but lie to him still has such power.
It's a tangled mess, like everything else in his mind these days, now that he doesn't have a single driving purpose to keep it all clear. The more he thinks about it, the more complex it becomes. And while he likes complexity, he doesn't like it when it's wound up in his emotions and that much pain.
He misses clarity, of knowing where he is from and who he is and what he will do. The Tesseract had been good for that, if artificial. Because of course, he is Loki of Asgard, who once was king and will be again, but without the driving immediacy of purpose some traitorous part of him asks is that all? As if that isn't enough. As if there is more that he could want.
King of a people he hates in a place that betrayed him. Isn't that the best revenge of all? But there's something in it that feels off, when he thinks on it with breathing space where he's not burning with immediate hatred.
[action] Here. Have some tasty tasty tl;dr.
But he also has to admit there are things he misses, his mother - even if she isn't really his mother - and Sif, the library, and he missed Vakri before the horse turned up here. He misses the lake, and the gardens, and the way the sky looked at sunset. There are things he misses, and he hates that he does, that the place that did nothing but lie to him still has such power.
It's a tangled mess, like everything else in his mind these days, now that he doesn't have a single driving purpose to keep it all clear. The more he thinks about it, the more complex it becomes. And while he likes complexity, he doesn't like it when it's wound up in his emotions and that much pain.
He misses clarity, of knowing where he is from and who he is and what he will do. The Tesseract had been good for that, if artificial. Because of course, he is Loki of Asgard, who once was king and will be again, but without the driving immediacy of purpose some traitorous part of him asks is that all? As if that isn't enough. As if there is more that he could want.
King of a people he hates in a place that betrayed him. Isn't that the best revenge of all? But there's something in it that feels off, when he thinks on it with breathing space where he's not burning with immediate hatred.
Loki pinches the bridge of his nose.]
I miss feeling safe.