Well, this is where all the prep work happened. If I'm going to be Bill the Pony for the night, a saddle is required. "One does not simply ride bareback into Mordor."

[Yeah, he totally just did that. And he doesn't even look embarrassed about it, either- his only blush is the residual from Teddy's moment of voyeurism. He pulls a condom and the lube from the book, offering it out.]

...And before you ask, I didn't ruin a real copy. The compilation set's in the bedside table.

[He feels compelled to add that, in case Teddy starts wondering who he is and what he did with his boyfriend. Even for sex, desecrating Lord of the Rings is just wrong.]