[That's a much harder question to face, so at first he just shakes his head. It isn't wrong. It's never wrong to forgive, he believes that wholeheartedly. It's just really difficult to fathom being able to, if their roles were reversed. That's how bad he thinks this all was.]

Maybe I did. There were times... when I thought it would be better for everyone if I died. Even knowing that it would just be for a couple of days, even then... I couldn't help it. I thought if I wasn't around, you'd all be better off.

[Sitting alone in the corner of his room, listening to Teddy's muffled sobs in the bathroom, his own magic building around him to give him what he desired most in that moment-

IwanttodieIwanttodieIwanttodieIwanttodie

That was a very dark day. And not the only one, besides- just the worst of many.]

Maybe I thought someone else would... do what I couldn't.

[It's not like it was a conscious choice, but looking back, it's probably what he'd expected. And maybe Teddy had known it too, for him to insist on accompanying Billy. Maybe what he really needed protection from was his own stupid self.]