God, no, stop, he - he needs to stop. His boyfriend attempted suicide and all he's thinking of are his own problems, and isn't that just the most selfish thing?
Before he does anything else, he needs to calm down.]
I need to...
[Teddy squeezes his eyes shut and breathes again, just breathes, counts the seconds in his head, focuses on the numbers and nothing more. One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four... If Billy can be quiet for a moment, then Teddy can focus on the numbers, and he can actually have a rational head for this. This is important, and he needs to be here, not taking a dive in the endless pool of his low self-confidence.
Eventually, the shaking slows to a stop, and his breathing becomes slower, more normal. The tension in his body starts to relax, and his heart rate slows. His lungs and chest and limbs and everything still hurts, though he knows it won't last long.
What matters is that his thoughts aren't a jumbled mess right now. For a moment, Teddy wonders if Billy will still be there if he opens his eyes. He showed a lot of ugly things right there, and he wouldn't be surprised...
But when he opens his eyes, and Billy's still sitting there...
Teddy lets out a long sigh and, finally, he reaches out for his hands again, just to hold them. He wants to press them to his forehead, but with the sweat there, that probably wouldn't be the best move. So he holds them instead, eyes shutting again, head bowed, the shaking returning for another reason.]
... Thank god. I - Oh, thank god, you didn't... I don't know what I would've done if you...
[Action, October 26th]
No I wasn't, that fake was there for you, I was -
God, no, stop, he - he needs to stop. His boyfriend attempted suicide and all he's thinking of are his own problems, and isn't that just the most selfish thing?
Before he does anything else, he needs to calm down.]
I need to...
[Teddy squeezes his eyes shut and breathes again, just breathes, counts the seconds in his head, focuses on the numbers and nothing more. One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four... If Billy can be quiet for a moment, then Teddy can focus on the numbers, and he can actually have a rational head for this. This is important, and he needs to be here, not taking a dive in the endless pool of his low self-confidence.
Eventually, the shaking slows to a stop, and his breathing becomes slower, more normal. The tension in his body starts to relax, and his heart rate slows. His lungs and chest and limbs and everything still hurts, though he knows it won't last long.
What matters is that his thoughts aren't a jumbled mess right now. For a moment, Teddy wonders if Billy will still be there if he opens his eyes. He showed a lot of ugly things right there, and he wouldn't be surprised...
But when he opens his eyes, and Billy's still sitting there...
Teddy lets out a long sigh and, finally, he reaches out for his hands again, just to hold them. He wants to press them to his forehead, but with the sweat there, that probably wouldn't be the best move. So he holds them instead, eyes shutting again, head bowed, the shaking returning for another reason.]
... Thank god. I - Oh, thank god, you didn't... I don't know what I would've done if you...