[Breathe, breathe, how can Teddy breathe when he can't? Billy tried to kill himself and Teddy didn't even know, how could he, he's a stupid excuse for a boyfriend – hell, a stupid excuse for a friend, if he didn't even notice something like that. And Billy – Billy, oh god, the most important person in his life was almost lost to him again, was so close to it, was driven to it, and why did he -
Teddy can feel Billy's heartbeat under his hand, and it hurts how his own heart tries to match its pace, making him cringe, because everything else is speeding up, his brain is telling everything to speed up, the sympathetic nervous system out of control, and one organ out of alignment throws everything else off center.
But beneath all of that, he still feels it. Billy's heartbeat. It's there, it's stable, and the skin under his hand is warm, and he's here, he's still here, he's telling this to Teddy and Teddy needs to listen, but how can he when his ears are pounding?
Breathe, breathe, breathe breathe breathe, in, one – two – three – four, out, one – two – three – four, and it hurts to force his lungs to breathe in such a way, makes it feel like they're not getting the air they need. Eventually, though, it feels better, a little more natural to breathe like that, for his heart to try matching Billy's pace. He still keeps one hand against his forehead, and he still keeps his eyes wide and away, still shakes, his expression looking like he's still in the middle of his panic. But it's clear that he's at least a little calmer now. And maybe, maybe he can talk.]
Wh - Why?
[It comes out in a breath, barely even voiced. Why? Billy promised, he knew there were people who wanted to help him, knew there were people reaching out to him, and he – he did that? Ignored everyone who had faith in him and who wanted to try finding a way to save him, and just – threw away his life?
[Action, October 26th]
Teddy can feel Billy's heartbeat under his hand, and it hurts how his own heart tries to match its pace, making him cringe, because everything else is speeding up, his brain is telling everything to speed up, the sympathetic nervous system out of control, and one organ out of alignment throws everything else off center.
But beneath all of that, he still feels it. Billy's heartbeat. It's there, it's stable, and the skin under his hand is warm, and he's here, he's still here, he's telling this to Teddy and Teddy needs to listen, but how can he when his ears are pounding?
Breathe, breathe, breathe breathe breathe, in, one – two – three – four, out, one – two – three – four, and it hurts to force his lungs to breathe in such a way, makes it feel like they're not getting the air they need. Eventually, though, it feels better, a little more natural to breathe like that, for his heart to try matching Billy's pace. He still keeps one hand against his forehead, and he still keeps his eyes wide and away, still shakes, his expression looking like he's still in the middle of his panic. But it's clear that he's at least a little calmer now. And maybe, maybe he can talk.]
Wh - Why?
[It comes out in a breath, barely even voiced. Why? Billy promised, he knew there were people who wanted to help him, knew there were people reaching out to him, and he – he did that? Ignored everyone who had faith in him and who wanted to try finding a way to save him, and just – threw away his life?
Why?]