[Teddy thought it was coming, but it still hit him like a punch to the stomach.
I already tried.
It takes a few seconds for it to settle, and as it does, the shift he'd been keeping a careful hold of falls away. In the same moment that realization and horror cross his face, and color drains out of it at well, the signs of fatigue do as well, because how can he even think of holding onto everything when he just heard something like this?
I already tried.
When did this happen? Was it when Teddy was out talking to people about what was going on? Was it when he slept? Was it – Was it that time Billy showed him the image of his mother? When did he try?
How? What did he do? What – Teddy doesn't want to know, even as his eyes flit downward to see if there are any new scars on his arms, at his stomach, wondering if he swallowed pills, at his neck – and then downward again, unable to look at that scar without his heart clenching.
And – And why? Billy promised – And even with that, he knows, he knows how badly Teddy would be affected by it, and – was it his fault? Did he not try hard enough? Did Billy not realize just how much Teddy loved him, needed him in his life? He'd said so over and over, but was it not enough? Was he not enough? Was he ever?
Of course not, the voice in his mind tell him as he presses his palm to his forehead, eyes wide, hands shaking, if you were, he wouldn't have tried.
He wasn't good enough, he wasn't good enough, he didn't try hard enough, he didn't, he wasn't, he wasn't enough, he wasn't enough, never were never will be
His chest hurts, like that knot in his chest grew until it pressed against his lungs and made it heart to breathe, made his heart beat faster in a panic.
I already tried.
Oh, god, he almost lost Billy again, and the one who would've taken him away was - ]
[Action, October 26th]
I already tried.
It takes a few seconds for it to settle, and as it does, the shift he'd been keeping a careful hold of falls away. In the same moment that realization and horror cross his face, and color drains out of it at well, the signs of fatigue do as well, because how can he even think of holding onto everything when he just heard something like this?
I already tried.
When did this happen? Was it when Teddy was out talking to people about what was going on? Was it when he slept? Was it – Was it that time Billy showed him the image of his mother? When did he try?
How? What did he do? What – Teddy doesn't want to know, even as his eyes flit downward to see if there are any new scars on his arms, at his stomach, wondering if he swallowed pills, at his neck – and then downward again, unable to look at that scar without his heart clenching.
And – And why? Billy promised – And even with that, he knows, he knows how badly Teddy would be affected by it, and – was it his fault? Did he not try hard enough? Did Billy not realize just how much Teddy loved him, needed him in his life? He'd said so over and over, but was it not enough? Was he not enough? Was he ever?
Of course not, the voice in his mind tell him as he presses his palm to his forehead, eyes wide, hands shaking, if you were, he wouldn't have tried.
He wasn't good enough, he wasn't good enough, he didn't try hard enough, he didn't, he wasn't, he wasn't enough, he wasn't enough, never were never will be
His chest hurts, like that knot in his chest grew until it pressed against his lungs and made it heart to breathe, made his heart beat faster in a panic.
I already tried.
Oh, god, he almost lost Billy again, and the one who would've taken him away was - ]