[Billy lasts as long as hearing Teddy sob before he stumbles away, hitting the nearest wall and backing up into the corner. He slides down the wall, landing hard, and tucks his knees to his chest, hands clenched tightly over his ears. Teddy's crying. He's crying, he's sick, and Teddy's never sick, he made him sick-
you make him sick
His hands tighten over his ears, breathing hard, trying to drown the sound out, but it keeps echoing in his head, over and over.
you failed you failed
you made him cry again
you always do this
ever since he came back you've done nothing but hurt him
he supported you, protected you, helped you find yourself again, piece by piece, and this is what you give him in return?
you think a stupid spell can make it all better?
your magic is broken
your promise is broken
no more magic, that's all he wanted, no more magic and you can't stop yourself
He gasps, smacking his head back against the wall, as if the act alone will drive the voices out, but all it does is make them grow louder, taunting him with his own failures. It's his own voice, it's always his own voice, but it doesn't even sound like him anymore. It's too calm, too confident. He's not that person anymore. It's a much better person than he is, now.
I want to be someone better
I want to be someone better
He wants to chant it, repeat it over and over, recreate the part of reality he hates more than anything else in the world. But it won't work. He knows it won't work. It's the one spell that never, ever does. And magic can't save him anymore, can it? His magic is broken, just like him. So broken it - he - even managed to drive Teddy away. He'd promised to never leave and Billy hadn't given him a choice.
Cut out his tongue, Loki had threatened- and god, Billy wishes he had, now. If he'd just cast that one little spell, driven him to it, maybe- maybe this wouldn't have happened. He can't cast if he can't speak. Or hear his words spoken. That was what the warden had said, hadn't he? He could do it himself- there's knives in the kitchen, he's got teeth- he could-
go ahead, mangle yourself trying to make it all better, leave another mess for Teddy to clean up
is that all you can do?
He goes still, the only sign of movement a steady tremor passing through his body. It's true, isn't it? It would be so easy for him, but Teddy would have to deal with it, Teddy would see him like that and how would he feel?
relieved
no, that's just you
The truth is, he doesn't know what's best for Teddy anymore. He thought he did, this time, and look how wrong he was. Look how much damage he caused. Over and over, he can hear it. Over and over. The sound of broken promises and broken hearts.
don't hurt yourself, don't leave a mess
just
disappear]
...I... I-I want to die... I want to die... IwanttodieIwanttodieIwanttodieIwanttodie--
[Action, October 25th] tw for suicidal talk I REMEMBERED THIS TIME D:
you make him sick
His hands tighten over his ears, breathing hard, trying to drown the sound out, but it keeps echoing in his head, over and over.
you failed you failed
you made him cry again
you always do this
ever since he came back you've done nothing but hurt him
he supported you, protected you, helped you find yourself again, piece by piece, and this is what you give him in return?
you think a stupid spell can make it all better?
your magic is broken
your promise is broken
no more magic, that's all he wanted, no more magic and you can't stop yourself
He gasps, smacking his head back against the wall, as if the act alone will drive the voices out, but all it does is make them grow louder, taunting him with his own failures. It's his own voice, it's always his own voice, but it doesn't even sound like him anymore. It's too calm, too confident. He's not that person anymore. It's a much better person than he is, now.
I want to be someone better
I want to be someone better
He wants to chant it, repeat it over and over, recreate the part of reality he hates more than anything else in the world. But it won't work. He knows it won't work. It's the one spell that never, ever does. And magic can't save him anymore, can it? His magic is broken, just like him. So broken it - he - even managed to drive Teddy away. He'd promised to never leave and Billy hadn't given him a choice.
Cut out his tongue, Loki had threatened- and god, Billy wishes he had, now. If he'd just cast that one little spell, driven him to it, maybe- maybe this wouldn't have happened. He can't cast if he can't speak. Or hear his words spoken. That was what the warden had said, hadn't he? He could do it himself- there's knives in the kitchen, he's got teeth- he could-
go ahead, mangle yourself trying to make it all better, leave another mess for Teddy to clean up
is that all you can do?
He goes still, the only sign of movement a steady tremor passing through his body. It's true, isn't it? It would be so easy for him, but Teddy would have to deal with it, Teddy would see him like that and how would he feel?
relieved
no, that's just you
The truth is, he doesn't know what's best for Teddy anymore. He thought he did, this time, and look how wrong he was. Look how much damage he caused. Over and over, he can hear it. Over and over. The sound of broken promises and broken hearts.
don't hurt yourself, don't leave a mess
just
disappear]
...I... I-I want to die... I want to die... IwanttodieIwanttodieIwanttodieIwanttodie--
[one more spell and he'll be free
that's good, isn't it? that's right-]