[It doesn't feel okay. It doesn't feel okay because he knows how Billy would react to this. He'd be stricken, cursing his foot-in-mouth syndrome and holding Teddy close and apologizing over and over and saying he'd never do it again.
This isn't even close, and, and, God, Teddy feels like he's losing him, like he's reaching out and can't get a grip, and Billy isn't reaching back, and why would he he doesn't love you anymore not like how he used to you're not worth staying for -
His own identity is unraveling, he's losing the person he loves the most - what else will he lose? How much more will he lose before it's enough? He doesn't have anything left to lose.
His breathing becomes more choked instead of settling down, and his body trembles, and he feels the heat behind his eyes give way to wet tracks down his face. He doesn't care if Billy sees, if the whole world saw him. The man Teddy knew and fell for is so far right now that reaching for him feels like holding his arm out across a river and calling for Billy to face him, and he isn't. It hurts so much to know that Billy's in a spot where he can't go, that he might walk away and be impossible to reach.
[Action, October 15th]
This isn't even close, and, and, God, Teddy feels like he's losing him, like he's reaching out and can't get a grip, and Billy isn't reaching back, and why would he he doesn't love you anymore not like how he used to you're not worth staying for -
His own identity is unraveling, he's losing the person he loves the most - what else will he lose? How much more will he lose before it's enough? He doesn't have anything left to lose.
His breathing becomes more choked instead of settling down, and his body trembles, and he feels the heat behind his eyes give way to wet tracks down his face. He doesn't care if Billy sees, if the whole world saw him. The man Teddy knew and fell for is so far right now that reaching for him feels like holding his arm out across a river and calling for Billy to face him, and he isn't. It hurts so much to know that Billy's in a spot where he can't go, that he might walk away and be impossible to reach.
It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts oh god]