[For a long moment, Billy does nothing, merely watches Teddy as he speaks, allowing the reaction to sink into the fog of his mind. He should have seen that coming, should have known Teddy wouldn't take it well. He should have waited. It's not like he needs anyone's help to do this- when his magic's cooperating again, it would be so easy to just...
iwanttodieiwanttodieiwanttodie
The thought frightens him, though; a fear of being gone, a fear of what he'd come back without (because that happens here, he has to remind himself, death is pointless and what if he lost something important as a result?), a fear of doing it and having Teddy walk in after and-
He doesn't want to imagine Teddy with that expression on his face again. Startled, frightened, heartbroken. It would be so much worse and he wouldn't even be there to make it go away.
You're so stupid. Why would you ever think that would be okay? Haven't you done enough to him?
Isn't he worth living for?
It's hard to reconcile the desire to free Teddy from the terrible burden of his presence with the knowledge that he's all Teddy has left, so finally he just... doesn't. He tentatively reaches out his good arm to weave his fingers through Teddy's hair, stroking gently, hoping to soothe him from his fears. He won't say that again. He won't go.
Maybe if Teddy wants him to be okay, to live, badly enough, he can start wanting it, too.]
[Action, October 15th]
iwanttodieiwanttodieiwanttodie
The thought frightens him, though; a fear of being gone, a fear of what he'd come back without (because that happens here, he has to remind himself, death is pointless and what if he lost something important as a result?), a fear of doing it and having Teddy walk in after and-
He doesn't want to imagine Teddy with that expression on his face again. Startled, frightened, heartbroken. It would be so much worse and he wouldn't even be there to make it go away.
You're so stupid. Why would you ever think that would be okay? Haven't you done enough to him?
Isn't he worth living for?
It's hard to reconcile the desire to free Teddy from the terrible burden of his presence with the knowledge that he's all Teddy has left, so finally he just... doesn't. He tentatively reaches out his good arm to weave his fingers through Teddy's hair, stroking gently, hoping to soothe him from his fears. He won't say that again. He won't go.
Maybe if Teddy wants him to be okay, to live, badly enough, he can start wanting it, too.]
Sorry... that wasn't funny.