It's hard to imagine it now- hard to visualize ever being able to help Teddy, with that or anything else. Not because of a lack of desire (there was nothing he wanted more, at this point) but because he just... couldn't. He wasn't capable. He'd inevitably fail and it would all end in tears. Maybe before, he was- maybe he could've been what Teddy needs now, but in this state...
He hates this. He hates that whatever's happened to him has reduced him to questioning himself, questioning reality, questioning... this. This, the arguably-best thing that's ever happened in his life. Teddy. And just because he loves him, Teddy expects to just... suffer quietly for it?
It's not fair. It's not fair. But he doesn't really have an argument against it, either- it's not like he wants to leave, or wants Teddy to leave him. But if this doesn't go away, if he can't win, if-
It's just the first day. But it hasn't, has it? It's been two weeks. Teddy said so. How long is long enough?
He tilts his head back, smacking it lightly against the headboard, frustrated. There's too many words in his head, too many thoughts and questions and protests, and he's unable to say any of them. Teddy won't want to hear it. Teddy won't believe him. Teddy won't leave him alone. He's crying again, and he can't figure out if it's out of joy or misery now.
[Action, October 15th] THAT SONG YOU LINKED
It's hard to imagine it now- hard to visualize ever being able to help Teddy, with that or anything else. Not because of a lack of desire (there was nothing he wanted more, at this point) but because he just... couldn't. He wasn't capable. He'd inevitably fail and it would all end in tears. Maybe before, he was- maybe he could've been what Teddy needs now, but in this state...
He hates this. He hates that whatever's happened to him has reduced him to questioning himself, questioning reality, questioning... this. This, the arguably-best thing that's ever happened in his life. Teddy. And just because he loves him, Teddy expects to just... suffer quietly for it?
It's not fair. It's not fair. But he doesn't really have an argument against it, either- it's not like he wants to leave, or wants Teddy to leave him. But if this doesn't go away, if he can't win, if-
It's just the first day. But it hasn't, has it? It's been two weeks. Teddy said so. How long is long enough?
He tilts his head back, smacking it lightly against the headboard, frustrated. There's too many words in his head, too many thoughts and questions and protests, and he's unable to say any of them. Teddy won't want to hear it. Teddy won't believe him. Teddy won't leave him alone. He's crying again, and he can't figure out if it's out of joy or misery now.
I just don't want to be alone anymore...]