[Rather than talk right then, Teddy decides to let out a long sigh and rest his temple against his boyfriend's collarbone, both arms encircling his lower waist with the fingers of one hand catching on one of Billy's back pockets. And there, he shuts his eyes, letting himself be caught up in the fact that he's completely covered and surrounded by the one he loves. It's comforting, extremely so, to feel that way. Teddy, as strong as he is, always felt pretty secure in himself in terms of feeling safe. Strange, then, how he feels remarkably safe right now.
It's why he lingers for several minutes, just taking it all in and letting himself relax. It's only then that he opens up those memories in his head, ones that he never let anyone else see, not even Billy. Not even himself, unless it was forced on him. His memories jump everywhere, from the moment Noh-varr had taken Billy out and then rounded on him before he could even get his boyfriend's name out of his mouth, to the time when he had to excuse himself after cutting into some meat at the dinner table, trying to be polite but needing to hurry to give in to the sudden dizziness and nausea.
And, of course, the event itself.
His loose hold tightens a little, and then he starts to talk.]
I've never felt so helpless before. So useless. I've got all this strength, and I couldn't even use it. You know what it's like... It was the same for me, too. I've never been trapped in my life. Even when I was locked in somewhere, I could always just break down the door.
[His voice gets a little thicker as the memories worsen. Billy, screaming and thrashing as much as his bonds would allow him to, and the doctor patting the boy's ear like it had done a good job or something - ]
But I couldn't get out of there. I fought so hard and the thing didn't even budge. I was probably scaring Karolina even more than she already was... I've hardly ever felt like that. You were in so much pain and he kept going and I couldn't do anything...
[action; january 28th]
It's why he lingers for several minutes, just taking it all in and letting himself relax. It's only then that he opens up those memories in his head, ones that he never let anyone else see, not even Billy. Not even himself, unless it was forced on him. His memories jump everywhere, from the moment Noh-varr had taken Billy out and then rounded on him before he could even get his boyfriend's name out of his mouth, to the time when he had to excuse himself after cutting into some meat at the dinner table, trying to be polite but needing to hurry to give in to the sudden dizziness and nausea.
And, of course, the event itself.
His loose hold tightens a little, and then he starts to talk.]
I've never felt so helpless before. So useless. I've got all this strength, and I couldn't even use it. You know what it's like... It was the same for me, too. I've never been trapped in my life. Even when I was locked in somewhere, I could always just break down the door.
[His voice gets a little thicker as the memories worsen. Billy, screaming and thrashing as much as his bonds would allow him to, and the doctor patting the boy's ear like it had done a good job or something - ]
But I couldn't get out of there. I fought so hard and the thing didn't even budge. I was probably scaring Karolina even more than she already was... I've hardly ever felt like that. You were in so much pain and he kept going and I couldn't do anything...