selfhelp | [IC] Appointments Post

[Ah... right, that. It was a while ago, but definitely not something easily forgotten. He mulls it over carefully for a long moment, swirling his coffee around in the mug, then glances up at her.]

I don't want to pry if you'd rather not talk about it, but... I can't say I haven't been wondering. It's up to you, though, no pressure.

Edited (repetition makes me twitchy) 2013-01-01 20:10 (UTC)

...Probably not, no. You may be a god, but you're not our god, and that means people here have very different expectations of you. You don't have to be human to have a little courtesy- plenty of non-humans manage to pull that off just fine. It's not that hard to ask first.

[He slides his hands into his pockets, leaning back. He'd rather not feel defeated about this, but he has a feeling Loki won't be changing his mind. And he doesn't want to cause trouble (or fights between friends) by telling people about the spell himself. He will if he has to, though- morally, he feels like can't do anything else.

Hopefully this won't get messy.]

After what I put you through, you deserve an explanation. And Teddy knows. We...have a lot in common it seems.

[It still surprises her to think back on that conversation they'd had; it had started out innocent enough but ended up being surprisingly deep. She looks up with a faint bittersweet smile.]

Ask me anything. I don't know where to start.

People have often had expectations of me. [He sounds strangely amused.]

I am ultimately most concerned with getting things done. [He tilts his head.] As a general case.

...Ah... well...

[It's difficult to say just what his questions are, exactly, since she'd only been half-coherent back then. Maybe clarifying the situation first would help him understand.]

What did you see? I didn't really... get that.

And I still say you can have it both ways. It's never as clear-cut or black and white, right?

[Isn't Loki the one who said something like that to him?]

Betimes. [He shrugs. He's tired of this argument; it's not accomplishing anything.]

[Leaning back into the chair she lowers her eyes to her coffee.]

Memories. Moments in which I've almost died...and the things that wait for me when I go home.

[After a moment she sets her mug down on the table, passing a hand over her forehead, fingers lingering along the fine lines of her Charter mark. The mark glows with a faint golden light, a tingling warmth against her fingertips from the contact helping to comfort her a little.]

I am Abhorsen; my duty is to bind the Dead in my world and return them to Death. They're not like those zombies though...and they can be brought back as things much darker than a reanimated corpse.

[He gets an uplifted brow at that- because as well read as he is, versed in all sorts of linguistics, sometimes Loki's speech patterns go right over his head.

It's not important enough to question, though.]

If you'd rather not teach me the spell after all that, I'd understand.

So you were seeing some kind of... living dead? And that's what got you so scared?

[He's not judging- he'd been pretty terrified that week, himself, and he can't imagine facing down something more horrifying than those zombies. It sounds awful.]

They are simply the Dead. There is no real life to them, which is why they need to consume it from others in order to avoid a true Death. And...there's more to it than that.

You remember how I made the Great Charter stone in the forest? The monster that has been hunting me and my Father needs me alive in order to break the ones still standing back home.

[With a wince she looks up.]

Do you know what it's like to be completely helpless? Say, if someone you love was in danger and...no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't save them?

Consider this, if you will, from my perspective. What would not teaching you accomplish, other than a show of petty annoyance?

...which is tempting, I'll admit, but I am not so bothered that a moment of petty glee is of greater value than my relationship with my student. [He smiles wryly.] Better to teach you to do the thing properly.

[Oh god. Oh god. She really has no idea what she just asked.

He shares her wince, letting his eyes drop to the table, fingers clenching tightly around the mug. He fights the memories stubbornly as they bubble up in his mind, determined not to dwell on them. So... that's what happened...?]

...Yeah. I know what that's like.

[A beat, and then, somewhat strained-]

I'm sorry that happened to you.

[He's surprised by that, though in retrospect he knows he probably shouldn't be. Anyone's capable of pettiness, but when it's detrimental to you as much as the person you're getting back at, it's kind of pointless.]

...Okay. Well, thanks.

[Have a weak, peace-offering smile.]

[Loki smiles crookedly.] You are welcome, then.

I'm sorry that you had to go through such a thing as well.

[It's strange how pain can create common ground here...the trials they've face may not be the same, or even remotely similar but the underlying hurt is universal.]

My father was Abhorsen before me. He had gone missing in the Old Kingdom two weeks before I was brought here.

[Her smile turns bitter sweet; it was a sorrow she has come to terms with but it was a weight on her shoulders none the less.]

I found him. But I could not save him.

[Strange, and unpleasant. And he feels even worse, hearing the end of her story.

What he went through was awful, yes, but at least he and Teddy survived it together.]

God... I'm sorry. That must have been hard.

[This is like when Teddy lost his mother- even back then, he hadn't been sure what to say, and more often than not ends up sticking his foot right in his mouth.]

Why was breaking the stones worth killing for, to them? Or was it just that much of a monster that it didn't matter?

It was. It will be when I go back but here...I've had time to mourn, and I have accepted that it was his path.

[To be fair it's a difficult thing to reply to if you can't speak for experience. Her father's spirit had been too long in Death for him to ever truly live again. It was only by the power of her bells and her will that he had been granted those few precious moments in life before he died.]

The Great Charter stones are what allow us to access the Charter and protect ourselves against the Dead. By breaking the stones, Kerrigor aims to sever the Charter from the land and the people, allowing Free magic and the Dead free reign over everything.

So... back then, you weren't just running for your life. You were running for the sake of the world, too.

[Doesn't exactly make a terrifying situation noble, but it certainly makes it... bigger. In a way.

And even if it was just for her own sake, he can only imagine that it would be terrifying enough.]

In a way, yes.

[The memory of that Draft still sends a chill down her spine. Taking a gulp of coffee she sits back with a sigh. Whenever she spoke about the Dead she always tried to hold back on how much information she gave; considering how Billy said his magic worked she'd have to be careful on how she said things.]

When a Necromancer brings back a spirit...sometimes they make them into monsters. The easiest are Dead Hands, reanimated corpses held together by magic. Shadow Hands, Gore Crows, Mordauts and Mordicants...they are the Lesser Dead. The kindest thing they'll do if they catch you is kill you.

[And all of them will be hunting her for as long as she's alive to fight them. Just thinking about it is daunting to say the least, like a giant hand slowly squeezing the air from her lungs but the Dead are not the only things that lay in her future.]

There is a lot of darkness in my life but...there will also be light. It is my path.

[Most of what she says is lost on him - names he doesn't recognize, doesn't want to ask about, either - but it all sounds sufficiently horrible to make her point clear. He winces at first, but her last comment makes him crack a small smile.]

I'm glad for that. Back in the draft, you said...

[He pauses, uncertain, then forges ahead stubbornly.]

You said you're alone, so... I was worried.

I thought that I would be. I thought my family had disappeared the moment my father died but it is not so. I have a sister...she's here, but she's from a time in my future and we won't truly meet for many years but she told me...

[Despite herself Sabriel finds herself returning Billy's smile, a little shy and a touch bittersweet.]

Do you remember when we spoke at the restaurant and I mentioned I had someone at home?

I do, yeah. I've been wondering about that, a little.

[He's intrigued about the mention of a sister, though- he hadn't known about that. And he's glad for her. Family definitely makes this place a bit easier to deal with.]

According to my sister we...well, we have a family together.

[She can't help but blush a little in saying it out loud. Although it had been strange at first, finding out bits and pieces of her future through her sister from an outside point of view but now Sabriel is content just knowing that there will always be that anchor of support and love for her.]

A- what- a family?

[Oh god, how weird would that be, to be told you've got that future ahead of you.]

That's- that's so- uh- congratulations? I mean- is that good? It's good, right?

[She's smiling, so it's not bad, at least.]

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